"Mom."
Three-year-old Chloeโs voice was equal parts adorable and babyish.
"Hmm?"
I still wasn’t used to the name. After all, in the life Iโd already lived Iโd never raised a child. Besides, this little girl in front of me was the greenโtea bitch who destroyed my happiness in my past life.
"Mom," she said again, eyes timid but hopeful. "Can I have lunch with Daddy today?"
I hesitated for a beat, then nodded. Chloeโs face flushed with joyโthe pure, obvious expression of a child. She was so different from the version of her in the life Iโd known.
The elevator reached the top floor and the doors opened. A woman, perfectly made up, was already waiting.
"Ms. Bennett, Mr. Bennett has guests right now. Please wait here a moment."
"Got it."
Holding Chloeโs hand, I stepped out of the elevator and followed instructions to the waiting room.
The woman brought two glasses of water and set them down in front of us. As she bent, her cleavage was on full display. I said thanks and looked away, but in that instant I saw Chloeโs eyes.
Those round almond eyes stared fixedly at the sexy womanโwide, stunnedโuntil the woman left the waiting room.
"Chloe?"
I called her and she seemed to snap out of a daze, turning her head slowly, her gaze clearing before she realized it was me.
"Mom!"
She gave me a sweet, pleading smile.
"Thirsty?"
"Mm-hmm."
She nodded hard and obediently took a sip.
Her cheeks were round; I wanted to pinch them to feel the squishiness, but she wasnโt my child and I held back.
That morning sheโd come into my bedroom and reminded me it was "seeโDaddy day," and only then did I remember she had a father.
In the years when we were friends sheโd mentioned him more than onceโhow rich he was, how doting he wasโbut I had never actually seen the man everyone talked about.
I had seen her mother a few times.
If I hadn’t accidentally discovered the truth about their relationship, Iโd never have guessed Chloe was illegitimate, and her mother merely one of many mistresses. I never expected my first encounter with the man to be as his mistress.
The sound of a falling glass snapped me back. Chloe suddenly began to cry, "Mom, it hurtsโwaahโ"
Hearing her say hurt, I panicked. Her small hand covered her face; I didnโt dare move her. "Where does it hurt?"
She was wailing so hard she could barely speak.
The woman whoโd brought the water hurried over, asking what happened. I could only say the child said she was hurt but I didnโt know how.
"What happened?"
A manโs authoritative voice asked.
"Daddy!"
Chloe sobbed as she ran around the table and lunged at his legs. He paused, bent, and rubbed her little head. "Why’s Chloe crying?"
His words were concerned, but his tone was cold.
I stood up without speaking. For one, I didnโt know what had just happened. For another, I wasnโt sure how I was supposed to feel toward this man.
"Daddy, Chloe got burned," she said, pointing at the spilled cup.
"How could you watch the kid like that!"
I froze, not realizing the words were directed at me.
"Iโฆ"
"Daddy, itโs not Mommy’s fault!"
Chloe shook the manโs leg desperately. The sight of her tiny determination made me think of a phraseโan ant trying to shake a tree.
"Daddy, that lady gave Chloe hot water."
The woman whoโd served the drink was suddenly accused and startled, apologizing frantically. "Iโm sorry, Mr. BennettโI didnโt mean toโ"
"This is the sort of thing you canโt even handle?"
The man tossed the remark coldly, then turned to me. "Into my office."
He lifted his chin and walked off, brushing Chloe aside.
I remained where I was, unsettled. Both cups had been set down the same way; mine was a normal temperatureโthere was no reason the other would be scalding.
The overturned cup still lay on the table. Chloeโs little face was streaked with real tears. The man left without seeing her extended arms begging for a hug.
I stepped forward and took her hand.
His office was elegant and austere. I put Chloe on the sofa and sat beside her. He took the distant, high-backed chair.
"I heard from the nanny you were drunk a few days ago. Arenโt you afraid of scaring the child?"
He pulled a cigar from a desk drawer and lit it, casually.
"No, Daddy, Mommy hasnโt been drinking lately. Right, Mommy? Coughโฆ"
Chloe rushed to defend me.
He blew a smoke ring. "What are you here for this time?"
I was puzzled, but stayed composed. "Chloe wanted to have lunch with you."
"Oh? Thatโs novel."
He flicked ash and turned to Chloe. "What does Chloe want to eat?"
Hearing him finally speak to her, Chloe lit up. "Daddy, I want to go to that new Deerfield Bistro on Redford Avenue. I like their egg puffs. Mommy likes the cheese pie."
A trace of a smile crossed his face; his tone softened. "What about Daddy? Does Chloe know what Daddy likes?"
"Daddy likes steakโMommy told me."
She glanced at me sweetly. The man was in a good mood and pressed a button. "Call Deerfield Bistro on Redford Avenue. Reserve a private room for three. Send the driver to the company to pick us up."
"Yes, Mr. Bennett."
It was the sexy womanโs voice.
Then he seemed to change his mind. "Noโhave Ethan Park handle it. Donโt worry about it."
"Mr. Bennett, Iโ"
He cut her off and hung up.
"Daddy said heโll have lunch with us!"
Chloe was ecstatic. Her words tumbled out, breathless and happy. I didnโt want to ruin her joyโthough I didnโt want to goโbut I gave her a nod.
"Has Chloe not eaten out in a long time?"
"Not really. Mommy often takes me out to eat tasty things!" Chloe hurried to say. "Iโm happy to eat with Daddy!"
"Can we go shopping after?"
"Sure. Ask Daddy and heโll buy whatever you want."
He agreed quickly.
"I want Daddy to buy Mommy a bag!" Chloe announced loudly.
The warm mood froze. Chloeโs tiny arm, still raised above her head, hung in midair.
The man sneered. "Is that all?"
His scornful look stabbed me. I hurried to explain, "No, thatโs notโ I didnโt mean that, I didnโt know!"
Chloe sensed the change and turned anxious. She lowered her hands and began to pick at her fingers. That small, familiar habit pricked me like a knifeโwhen she felt awkward or nervous, sheโd pick at her nail beds until they bled. In the years where our relationship had soured, that gesture had made me cruelly disgusted.
Now, seeing her threeโyearโold body tense and pick at her nails unleashed a streak of something hot and ruthless in me.
I grabbed her hand and held it. Then I glared at the man. "I donโt care how you see me. I didnโt want to bring her todayโshe wanted to see you and I wouldnโt stop her. But after seeing you act like this, I regret coming."
"Regret?"
He scoffed, inhaled his cigar, then tossed something from the drawer toward me. "Take it. Thereโs two hundred thousand on this card. Enough for you to buy a bag."
"Youโ"
"The restaurantโs reserved. Take her and go. Iโm busy."
Chloeโs small hand trembled. I looked at her frightened faceโflushed one moment, white the next.
Anger flared and I let go of her hand to pick up the card. His contempt deepened. I walked to his desk, glanced at his nameplate, and flung the card back at him. "Henry Bennett! Two hundred thousand to buy a bag in exchange for one hour with you!"
He hadnโt expected that tactic. For a beat he stared, then asked, "And if I donโt go?"
"Then Iโll find her a new daddy who is willing to have lunch with her!"
02
Inside Deerfield Bistro.
Chloe sat at the table with the egg puffs sheโd said she loved in front of her, but she bowed her head and didnโt moveโno interest in eating.
"Chloe, why arenโt you eating? Donโt you like the egg puffs here?"
Hearing my voice, she twitched and seemed to snap out of it, giving me a forced smile. "Okay, Mommy."
She mechanically picked up a pastry and took a bite, expression stiff.
Watching her, I felt worry, guilt, and irritation all at once.
"Is it not good?"
Her voice came out thin. "Itโs good. Mommy, I like egg puffs the bestโฆ"
Her words puzzled me. As I reached to ask more, she grabbed a second pastry and started to eat rapidly. I moved to stop her, but then she murmured, "Mommy, Iโm sorry."
"Mommy, please donโt hit me."
Her voice was small and trembling, tears welling up, but she still forced a smile. My hand paused, then moved toward her. She flinched, squeezed her eyes shut, and tiny teardrops fell.
She seemed afraid of me, but she didnโt pull away.
I wiped her face with a tissue from the table and said softly, โIโm sorry. This was my fault โ you didnโt get to have lunch with Dad today.โ
Her eyes opened slowly; she squinted at me. โMom, arenโt you mad at Chloe?โ
โWhy would I be mad at you?โ
โBecause Chloe made you miss out on the bag, and she didnโt bring Dadโs card.โ
I froze โ I hadnโt realized sheโd been thinking about that โ and hurried to soothe her. โIโm not mad, look, donโt I have a ton of purses? And Iโm not short on money! Uhโฆ I shouldnโt be short on money.โ
Just now, after Iโd thrown the card at him, Henry had refused to eat with Chloe and kept saying if there wasnโt enough money he could put another hundred thousand back on that card.
I was so angry I grabbed a glass off the table and splashed it in his face, shouting, โThe babyโs coughing from the smoke โ are you blind or deaf?!โ Then I stormed off the company floor cradling Chloe.
Iโd meant to go straight home, but since the restaurant booking was already paid for, why waste it?
I comforted little Chloe a few more times. When she saw I wasnโt about to lose my temper, she relaxed and started eating. Still, I could feel her sneaking glances at my face now and then.
Ugh, Iโm about to worry myself to death.
Iโve never raised a child before; somehow Iโm her mother now, and the childโs family situation is so messy.
In my previous life I lived to sixty. Though Iโd been shaken when Chloe โ that manipulative girl โ wrecked things, the latter half of my life had been quiet and stable.
Who knows what happened, but here I am dragged back into living through this brutal, impossible chapter.
Honestly, knowing my life was tangled with Chloeโs again made me queasy.
These past few days Iโd tried to avoid her as much as possible. Sheโd been good about it, mostly keeping to herself and eating with Martha, sitting quietly in the living room watching TV.
The TV was never loud; she watched calmly, never shrieking or making a scene.
Sometimes Iโd watch her sitting there so still she looked like a porcelain doll, and wonder โ is raising a kid really this easy?
โMom, arenโt you eating?โ little Chloe asked.
โOh, me? I donโt like sweet things.โ I glanced at the cheesecake in front of me; I had no appetite. Iโd spaced out while ordering and hadnโt thought through it.
She looked puzzled and lowered her voice to ask, โIs Mom not eating because Dad didnโt come?โ
โNo, itโs justโฆ my tastes changed.โ Sheโs still little; a small fib wouldnโt rattle her. Iโd just stick to my habits.
I flagged a waiter and decided to order more.
โDo you have lamb chops?โ
โYes.โ
โPan-seared lamb chops, and one savory tart to go. Open a bottle of a light, dry red.โ
Chloe visibly flinched when I ordered wine.
โForget the wine. Get fresh juice and a warmed cup of milk.โ
โOkay.โ
No matter how huge the problem, fill your stomach first.
When the lamb arrived, my mouth practically watered. The aroma was intoxicating; the glaze on the meat shone golden.
I cut a small piece and tasted it โ tender, juicy, unbelievably delicious. For a second I felt like my soul lifted out of my body.
โMom.โ
โMm?โ
โIs the lamb good?โ
โGod yes, itโs amazing, believe me.โ I cut a tiny piece onto her plate. She obediently said, โThanks, Mom,โ and took a bite.
โMom, the lamb is so good!โ she praised.
โOf course!โ I preened and cut a few more pieces for her.
โMom, do you really like lamb chops?โ she asked.
โYes!โ I nodded solemnly. โTheyโre my favorite food in the whole world!โ
She nodded in innocent understanding. She had no idea that in the last days of my former life Iโd lost my sense of taste and hadnโt savored anything that good in ages.
We ate our fill and left happily. At checkout I learned the meal would be charged to Henry โ I asked to pack up a savory tart to take home too.
By the time the cab pulled up near our building, little Chloe had snuggled against me and fallen asleep.
Afternoon sun slanted through the window and lit her face in a soft glowing ring. Her little round face looked luminous. I leaned down and realized her eyelashes were long and curled; her hair was a light shade and naturally wavy. To please Michael Lee sheโd been straightened and dyed dark โ Iโd almost forgotten what her hair used to look like.
Michael Leeโฆ
Heโd been gone from my life for more than a decade. The thought of him dragged every foolish, painful, entangled memory back into sharp focus and tightened my chest. Without Chloe, how different everything would have been.
I was lost in memory until the driverโs โWeโre hereโ snapped me back. I paid and stood to get out; the small body tumbled into my lap.
I sighed and lifted her out of the car.
Weโd barely stepped through the front door when Martha burst out, flustered. โMs. Bennett, Mr. Bennett just called. He saidโฆโ
โWhat?โ A cold premonition rose in my gut.
โThree days to move out of this house.โ
03 โDonโt come near me!โ
On the hotel rooftop, a woman in a white gown stood at the edge. Wind whipped her hair across her face so her features were hard to see.
โGet away! Leave me alone!โ
She shouted while one foot stepped over the ledge.
โChloe! Get down!โ
The man beside me was frantic and terrified. I took a moment to register his face โ Michael Lee.
And the woman at the rooftop edge โ who else could she be but Chloe? I suddenly remembered: today was supposed to be my wedding to Michael. During the ring exchange someone stormed in shouting that Chloe had climbed to the top of the tallest hotel in the city and would jump unless Michael came to her. She said sheโd leap as a wedding gift to me.
Everyone was gathered there, all eyes on the bridal gown Chloe wore. I felt fearful, but somewhere beneath it all a sting of embarrassment โ as if they were the happy couple and Iโd interrupted.
โCome down, we can talk,โ Michael said, his voice steadier than before.
โThen promise youโll dump her and marry me!โ Chloe screamed. Her expression was cold and manic, her look at me filled with venom.
โYouโโ Michael stammered, trying not to provoke her. He glanced back at me; I nodded.
Whispers and the rush of wind made everything noisy and chaotic.
โCome down, weโll talk it out,โ Michael tried to calm the situation.
โUnless you marry me today, Iโll kill myself!โ Chloeโs temper climbed.
โAll right!โ Michael finally said. โYou come down and Iโll do it.โ
I forced a bitter smile. I knew he was stalling, but it felt hollow.
โTake the ring off her hand! That ring belongs to me!โ Chloe crowed like a victor.
Michael looked at me with a furrowed brow. I knew a life was at stake โ I couldnโt be selfish now.
I reached for the ring that had just been slipped on my finger, but for some reason it wouldnโt budge no matter how hard I tried.
As I bent over my ring finger, Michael suddenly stopped me. โDonโt take it off,โ he said. He held my hand, turned to Chloe, and announced, โI canโt marry you.โ
Chloeโs eyes widened with shock.
โI love her,โ he said.
My heart jolted. I looked up at him. When had I last really looked at his face so closely? Heโd been handsome in his youth.
โNo, no, no!โ Chloe burst into hysterical laughter, then glared at me. โYou won! You win!โ With that she flung her arms out and leaped.
โNoโ!โ I woke with a start, sitting bolt upright in bed. It took me a long moment to realize it was just another dream. The events of that day hadnโt faded with time โ theyโd only grown sharper, replaying in my head like film.
I canโt do this anymore. Iโve been tormented my whole life; I refuse to have anything to do with her again.
I had to call Henry.
By seven that morning I couldnโt wait.
โHello, Mr. Bennett. Itโs me.โ
Because we werenโt close, I used the most neutral title. He sounded amused on the line. I heard him chuckle and say lazily, โYeah, go on.โ
โLet me move out, fine. But Chloe canโt end up sleeping on the street. The kidโs yours to raise.โ
โYouโre trying to use her to get something from me again.โ
โI donโt want anything. I canโt raise her. I have nothing โ how could I? Youโre rich; sheโs safer with you.โ
โIf she needs money, come ask me and Iโll give it. If sheโs a burden, dump her at a home,โ he said in a bored tone and hung up before I could reply.
I glared at my phone and tossed it aside in fury.
Then something flickered in my peripheral vision at the door. I went out and scanned the rooms; nothing seemed out of place. I crept to Chloeโs room and pushed the door gently โ it wasnโt locked. She was still asleep in the cradle.
Maybe Iโd imagined it.
I sat in the living room and tried to analyze our situation soberly.
Chloeโs mother is Claire Bennett. Her ID says sheโs only twenty-seven, and Chloe is three โ which means Claire got involved with Henry almost before she even finished college.
Now that Henry Bennett valued money more than decency, he not only wanted to ditch this likely already tiresome mistress, he even wanted to abandon his own daughter. Emotionally speaking, I had no obligation to be responsible for Chloeโbut my situation was awkward. Wearing this skin, I couldn’t just walk away.
Besides, she was still a child.
No matter what, the most important thing right now was to stay alive.
By the time Martha arrived, I had packed a pile of things. While I was explaining to her that I needed to go out, Chloe came out of her room. She froze for a moment when she saw my hands full of bags and asked softly, "Mom, where are you going?"
I fumbled for my shoes with my foot and hurriedly said, "I’m just going out for a bit. Be a good girl at home, okay? There’s a packet of egg crisps in the fridgeโask Martha to warm them up for you."
Then I waved at her and turned out the door. From behind me came a tiny, "Bye, Mom."
Reborn to Steal His Empire
For some reason, I thought her voice had a hint of crying. On TV, there are always scenes of parents leaving and kids wailing as if the world is ending, but this wasn't that kind of sound.
Maybe it was just my imagination.
I hailed a cab and headed straight for Redford Avenue.
Redford Avenue is the kind of place only people with money visitโitโs prime real estate, lined with luxury shops. If you look carefully in neighborhoods like that, you can always find stores that buy pre-owned designer bags.
Sure enough, after walking almost every side street off Redford, I found one.
I threw all the bags Iโd brought onto the counterโthirteen in total.
The owner liked what I had; two were even limited editions. I told him there were more like this at home and that if he offered a good price, I wouldn't bother shopping elsewhere.
Walking out of the shop, I felt great. Money really does buy a sense of security.
With fat cash in my bag, I went straight to the bank.
Iโd turned the house upside down these past few days and only found two bank cards. I wanted to withdraw everything, open a new account, and put the money somewhere safe.
I couldn't say whyโI just felt it was safer that way.
By the time everything was settled it was already after two in the afternoon.
I was tired and hungry, so I looked for a place to eat. For the first time in a long while, I felt a little light.
I picked a random restaurant and ordered. While I waited, my mind wandered to how much Claire Bennett's wall-to-wall shoe cabinet might fetch.
Just as my food arrived, my phone rang. It was the house.
"Hello?"
"Ms. Bennettโฆ where are you? Chloe has a high fever."
When I reached the hospital, Chloe was already asleep on the bed. Thankfully the children's hospital was close; Martha said Chloe had always come here before, and the records were on file. The nurses and doctors recognized her.
Martha couldn't say what caused the fever. Anxious, I told her to stay and I went to find the doctor.
By the nurses' station I overheard two young nurses gossiping. "That little girl againโfever."
"Wait, won't her mom use this as an excuse to call Chloe's dad and ask for money?"
"That woman is so cold. Sheโd stoop to anything for a manโs moneyโeven use her child."
"Well, money makes people reckless. Maybe she even wants her daughter to follow in her footsteps."
"Heh, your mouth is viciousโbut you might be right."
Eavesdropping isn't noble, but my instincts told me what they were talking about involved me, so I stood quietly listening.
"The kidโs always in and out of the hospital with fever. This time sounds realโshe was 39 degrees earlier. And her mom wasn't here."
"Besides, that woman teaches the girl all those little tricks. Aren't they worried the kid will grow up twisted?"
"Why worry? Maybe she likes the easy cash. She'd be thrilled if her daughter took over."
A man cleared his throat behind meโjust two coughs, but it startled me. I turned and saw a doctor. He was taller than me; his clean, sharp jawline was the first thing I noticed.
The two nurses straightened and greeted him: "Dr. Lewis."
Then they spotted me and their voices went dry. "Ms. Bennettโyou're here too."
Their faces reddened. They exchanged nervous looks, like they expected a scene.
"I want to see the doctor treating Chloe and find out what's wrong," I said calmly, not intending to bring up what I'd just heard. After a lifetime, Iโd seen too much to waste energy defending myself. Besides, I wasn't the original person who'd lived this life.
"This is Dr. Lewis," one of the nurses said quickly.
"Hello, Dr. Lewis. I want to know why Chloe suddenly had a fever." I got straight to the point.
"Please come into the consultation room."
Dr. Lewis glanced at me coolly. "Have a seat."
The room had a desk, a bed, and two file cabinetsโnothing special. But a photo on the desk caught my eye. It showed four people: Dr. Lewis, a man, a woman, and a baby in the womanโs arms.
For some reason the couple looked vaguely familiar. I searched my memory and found nothing, then let it goโI'm not the sort who chases every little clue anymore.
"Doctor, she was fine this morning. Why did she get a fever?" I asked.
"Ms. Bennett, did anything happen between you and the child this morning that wasโฆ unpleasant?" He paused, searching for a gentler word.
"Unpleasant? Noโshe had just woken up when I left. Could it be something she ate?"
He studied my face as if looking for an answer, then spoke calmly. "I asked Martha. She said the child didn't eat anything this morning."
I frowned in confusion.
"Martha said after you left, Chloe went back to her room. At first she thought the child had simply fallen asleep. Later when she went to call her for a meal, she found her lying on the bed crying. She cried herself to sleep."
His tone was flat, but his words hit me like a blow.
"She didn't eat lunch either. Martha only discovered the fever in the afternoon. I did the necessary checks and didn't find any abnormalities."
He held my gaze and said, "Children can get heat-related illnesses that lower their immunity, causing sudden high fevers. Ms. Bennettโcan you think of anything that might have upset her?"
I didn't answer immediately, but an image flashed through my head: the shadow that had passed the doorway when I called earlierโฆ and the farewell that had sounded like it had tears in it.
"Children are like saplings. They grow the way you tend them," he said.
04
Leaving Dr. Lewis's office, my thoughts were a tangle.
Did I hate Chloe? Not really. If anything, I felt more pity than hatred.
When sheโd been alive, Michael Lee and I sometimes talked about her. After she died, she became a raw wound between us; neither of us ever spoke her name again, but her presence lingered in our silence.
I remembered how, back then, classmates and friends had hinted that Chloe wasn't simple. Some even called her a gold-digger who needed a man and affection. But after learning about her home life, I had felt a sliver of pityโmaybe her rough edges came from a broken family.
"She grows up how her mother raises her." I used to say, unwilling to put everything on a tidy moral label.
Was fate mocking me? As if to say, "You're so capableโgo raise her yourself."
What am I supposed to do?
Back in the ward, Chloe was waking up. Her big eyes blinked in a daze, then rolled toward me.
"Mom!"
She tried to sit up. I hurried over and stopped her. "Don't move. Lie still."
She froze and stared at me like she was afraid I'd vanish.
I fluffed her pillow to make her comfortable. "Do you feel bad anywhere?"
I touched her foreheadโwarm to the touch.
"I'm hungryโฆ" she said in a soft, childish voice.
"I'll go get you something to eat."
As I stood to leave, she panicked and blurted, "I'm not hungry! Mom, don't goโฆ"
I hesitated, then told Martha a few instructions and handed her some money before heading out.
Once Martha left, it was just Chloe and me. I wanted her to rest until the IV was done, but she refused to sleep. I don't have any tricks for handling kids, so I let it be.
I was restless; every few minutes I checked the drip to see how much was left.
"Mom, where did you go?" Chloe asked in a small voice, as if she'd been gathering courage.
"I went to get us some money," I decided to be honest.
"Get money?" She looked puzzled. "From Dad?"
"No, no." I shook my head. "When I left, I was carrying a lot of bags. I sold them for money."
Her small head bobbed on the pillow, confused. "You don't like them anymore?"
"Well, not exactly." I thought for a moment. "We need money more now."
She nodded, still not fully understanding. Kids are kids.
When she fell silent again, I glanced at the IV and then back at her. She was picking at the skin around her nails. I took one of her tiny hands and held it.
"If Mom needs money, would she sell Chloe?" Her voice trembled and her lashes were wet.
My heart sighed. I soothed her softly, "No. Because Chloe is Mommy's treasure, coughโฆ"
I felt guilty saying it, and a little gross too, but when I looked at the little oneโs delighted face, I cleared my throat and said, โIโm selling my bags because I have too many. But Chloe only has one!
And if I sell the bags, Chloe and I will have a good life.
Do you understand what I mean?โ
She nodded hard, then reached out that tiny empty hand and hooked her short little index finger at me. I leaned in.
She wrapped that small hand around my head and, in a baby voice, said, โMommy is Chloeโs treasure too.โ
Thenโsmackโ
She planted a kiss on my cheek.
My face went scarlet. After all these years, Iโd never heard a confession so blatant; it was embarrassingly sweet.
Luckily Aunt Martha came back then. I told her to feed Chloe a little, and I asked her to get the number of the rental agent sheโd found outside.
I explained our needs to the agent and quickly set up a viewing for the next day.
We only had three days, and of course Chloe got sickโsigh. I was exhausted.
Single motherhood is no joke.
Thankfully Chloe wasnโt badly ill. Her fever broke quickly, and after one night in the hospital we were discharged first thing the next morning.
I wanted her to stay home with Aunt Martha so I could move faster on my own, but she refused to leave me. So I took her along to see apartments and left Aunt Martha to finish packing.
The agent was a young man named Zach.
When he saw me with a child, he brought a scooter equipped with a child seat. I blinked in surprise; he laughed and explained they had a โsupermomโ in their office who brought her kid to work when there was no one to watch them. She installed the child seat.
I put Chloe in the child seat and followed Zach on my bike. I hadnโt ridden one of those in forever and felt stiff all over.
โMommy, youโre so good at riding,โ Chloe said from the seat; her voice was clear and bright, drawing glances from people on the sidewalk.
โHaโฆthanks,โ I replied awkwardly, still staring at Zachโs scooter afraid of getting separated.
โMommy, you ride it so well!โ
She kept praising me with all the enthusiasm a kid has. I tried to distract her. โDo you like riding this scooter?โ
โYes!โ she shouted. โItโs better than a car!โ
I couldnโt help but think of those old jokesโbetter to cry in a BMW than laugh on a bikeโand watching Chloe bob her head happily, I laughed. Kids are kids.
That morning we looked at six places. Only one appealed to me: a three-bedroom not far from where we were now, near a preschool and with decent amenities. The price was a little high, though.
Back in the brokerageโs meeting room, I replayed the apartments in my head while talking to Zach about rental details.
Seeing me hesitate, Zach brought up a two-bedroom he recommended. It was nice, too, but Iโd likely be looking for work soon and couldnโt take care of Chloe all the time. Aunt Martha couldnโt be fired, and I wasnโt ready to accept being inseparable with Chloe in the way โrealโ mother-daughters are, emotionally speaking.
So three bedrooms felt more practical.
โCan the price come down at all?โ I asked. Last life Iโd never worried about housingโwho knew Iโd be stuck in this situation again.
Sigh. Once I was tied to Chloe, life meant new challenges.
โIโm sorry, Ms. Bennett,โ Zach said. โThat unit is greatโlayout, finishings, location, community. The preschool nearby is well-known; lots of affluent families send their kids there. If you move in, your little girl would have a convenient school to go to. Itโs really not expensive for what it offers.โ
โI get what youโre saying, but it is a bit high. I noticed dust on the coffee tableโit hasnโt been lived in for a while, right? Keeping it empty is a loss for you. Lower it a little and Iโll take it.โ
Zach hesitated.
โUncle, Iโll give you a kiss. Will you make it cheaper for Mommy?โ Chloe suddenly walked up and asked.
Zach was taken aback, then smiled. โIโll talk to my manager.โ
I hadnโt expected that and froze for a beat. When Zach turned to leave, I blurted, โWait!โ
He looked back, puzzled.
I didnโt have time to explain. โDonโt bother applyingโI'll rent it. No discount needed. Draw up the contract.โ
As soon as Zach left the meeting room, I brought Chloe closer. Sheโd already sensed something off and had gone a little pale, staring at me like sheโd done something wrong.
To be honest, I was angry. I hadnโt expected a child so small to say something like that. Did she even understand what she was doing?
I forced down my feelings. Ever since Michael Lee died, I hadnโt gotten so worked up in a long time. For years Iโd thought getting older would mellow me out. Maybe it was this 27-year-old bodyโs hormones kicking in.
โChloe, why did you say that to the man?โ I asked.
โI wanted to help Mommyโฆโ Her voice trembled and went thin.
โI know you want to help, but we canโtโโ I swallowed, along with the words โuse our looks.โ I considered them for a moment, then changed course. โWe have to use our brains, our skills, and our hard work to get what we want.โ
She nodded, half understanding.
โKisses and hugs are for family and people who love you. You canโt just kiss strangers, understand?โ She nodded again.
โAnd you canโt use those things as a bargainโฆdo you know what a bargain is?โ I asked.
She nodded, then shook her head; her little face full of confusion. โWhen Mommy and Daddy get cardsโฆthatโs like that.โ
I choked on that and hurried to explain, โThat was because Mommy and Daddy were in loveโฆthat wonโt happen anymore.โ
I paused and added, โYou mustnโt do that anymore, okay?โ
She nodded and, in her baby voice, agreed.
After signing the lease, I asked Zach to contact movers and took Chloe home to finish packing. That afternoon I had an appointment with the consignment shop owner to sell the bags, shoes, and clothes Aunt Martha had sorted. Having money in hand calmed me.
I wasnโt going to leave any of that stuff for Henry Bennett; consider it the support I was giving him for raising his daughterโif he wanted to think that way.
Watching Chloeโs little back, I started planning for the future.
On day three, when Zach and the movers arrived, everyone jumped into action.
Chloe was fascinated and a little lost. She didnโt know what moving meant and had no concept of it. I kept giving instructions to the movers and she followed, echoing my phrases, occasionally giving me a thumbs-up. I didnโt know what that meant either but smiled back.
During a break I decided to have a talk.
โChloe.โ I set her on the couch and chose my words carefully. โAfter this, you, me, and Aunt Martha are going to live somewhere else. Daddy might not come to see you anymore. Is that okay?โ
Her big dark eyes blinked; she looked solemn and said, โItโs okay, Mommy. We can go see Daddy.โ
โYeah. Youโre right,โ I answered, though it hurt. Honestly, if I could, I never wanted to see that man again. Being โthe other womanโ was humiliating.
โWhat ifโjust hypotheticallyโwe donโt have Daddy in our lives anymore, just you and me. Weโll live together. Would you like that?โ
She nodded seriously. โChloe is happy if she has Mommy.โ
Sigh. Kids are weird. I thought sheโd be in tears asking for both parents. Guess I donโt really understand kids.
I didnโt know how to tell her weโd been abandoned by Henry Bennett. I debated waiting until she was older to explain when the phone rang.
โThird day already. How are you staying calm this time?โ It was Henry.
โHuh?โ I answered, confused.
โIโm at the office waiting for you. Bring Chloe this afternoon. Letโs have dinner. Iโll buy you some bags,โ he said, his voice laced with a hint of apology that made my skin crawl.
โNo need. Iโm busy moving,โ I snapped.
โMoving? Who allowed you to move?โ Henryโs voice went sharp, as if he couldnโt believe it.
I thought, wasnโt he the one who pushed us out? Is he bipolar? I didnโt say that. He ordered instead, โWait at home. Iโll be there soon.โ
When Henry arrived, I was finishing leftover takeout with Chloe. Most of our stuff was already moved; Iโd sent Aunt Martha ahead with the movers so weโd be there when Henry showed up.
He came in without closing the doorโbamโannouncing his presence with a slam.
He glanced around and then fixed his eyes on Chloe and me.
โWhat do you want?โ he asked. He didnโt show much expression, but there was anger in his voice.
I wiped my mouth with a napkin and stood. โWeโre movingโwerenโt you the one who told us to leave?โ
He sized me up and then said in a confusing tone, โAre you seeing someone else?โ
I hadnโt expected that and shot back, โWhat nonsense! The child is right here!โ
Chloe, being a child, wasnโt fazed at all; she was concentrating on wrestling noodles with her spoon like it was a serious sport.
โCome with me!โ Henry grabbed my hand and walked straight to the bedroom. He closed the door behind us, turning and grabbing my wrist again. I pulled away, twisting my arm. It hurt, and I snapped, โDonโt manhandle people!โ
Henryโs step faltered a bit. Seeing my frown, his voice softened, โDid I hurt you?โ
Even with all Iโd seen in life, that syrupy line made my skin crawl and sent goosebumps down my arms.
I figured I was a sixty-year-old womanโfelt perfectly safe. But his concern snapped me back: to everyone else I was just a 27-year-old young woman, and this man before me was her benefactor.
A single man and a single woman alone in a room, the air already this chargedโif I didnโt do something, it would be indefensible.
Henry Bennett stepped closer. Behind me was a big bed. Not good. I slid one step over without showing fear, putting on a professional tone. โSay what you need to say.โ
His softened expression flickered, then cooled. He repeated the question heโd asked before: โDo you have someone else?โ
โNo.โ
I answered bluntly.
โThen why are you set on leaving? Is this a show for me?โ
โI want independence. I want to support myself and Chloe. Is that a problem?โ
โIndependence?โ He chewed on that word, then sneered. โWith what? Have you ever worked? Do you know how much someone makes in a month out there? With your talents, you couldnโt even buy one of the bags you carry in a year. Can you handle that?โ
He wasnโt wrongโback then that wouldโve been Claire Bennett. But that wasnโt me anymore.
No point arguing.
โAnything else? Or are you done? Since youโre here, lookโhouse is intact, keys on the rack by the door. If thereโs nothing else, Iโm taking Chloe and leaving.โ
Before I finished, Henry suddenly closed in. I yelped and darted away, slipping past him to the bedroom door. After decades of living, you learn a womanโs basic survival instinct: if it looks wrong, run.
I grabbed the doorknob, twistedโunlock. I breathed out as I cracked the door, but a hand yanked my shoulder hard. Before I could react, I was pinned to the door.
Bang!
The bedroom door slammed shut behind us.
โWhat the hell do you think youโre doing!โ Henryโs voice was low, every word squeezed out past clenched teeth. He was angry, but I didnโt know at whatโwasnโt it freeing him of a burden?
He hadnโt seemed to care about Chloeโs mother before, either.
โI want freedom,โ I said, forcing calm.
โFreedom?โ he echoed.
Cornered, I scrambled to invent an explanation in my head. This was not the time to provoke him.
He was so close I felt suffocated. I tried to shrink away from his stare, even a single inch would help.
When I didnโt answer, he grabbed my chin with his other hand and forced my face up. Ughโthis was that move that had been trendy when I was young: the โwall pin.โ The door pressed into my back and it was uncomfortable, but that wasnโt the point. The point wasโwas he about to kiss me?
His face was inches from mine when a crash from outside interrupted him.
โWaaahโMomโMomโโ
Chloe was crying.
Henry sighed, leaned close to my ear and spat โungrateful,โ then opened the door and walked out.
Chloe kept crying. My heart still pounding, I hurried out as well.
She was sitting on the floor. Her lunch box had tipped over; some broth had splashed onto her calves. Her little hands covered her face as she sobbed.
Henry moved toward her as if to pick her up but stopped when he got close. He glanced up at me with a complicated look, then said, โIโve arranged for the preschool you wanted. Classes start next weekโtake her there. My assistant will contact you about the rest.โ With that, he walked away without looking back.
I scooped Chloe into my arms, brushed food off her legs. โAre you okay? Did you get hurt? Did anything burn?โ
Her crying stopped. The tiny hands that had been clamped over her face parted in two cautious slits. โMom, did Daddy leave?โ
She still wouldnโt let goโmaybe some broth splashed into her eyes.
โHe left. Are you okay? Eyes okay?โ
At my words, her hands snapped open like little doors and two big grape-black eyes blinked up at me. No tearsโsheโd been pretending.
No wonder Henry looked at me like thatโhe probably thought Iโd taught her to cry on cue. Only then did I realize sheโd staged it to pull me out of danger.
She closed her hands again and giggled. โMom, my eyes are fine. Lookโopen sesame!โ
She opened them wide like sheโd practiced, eyes trying to charm me. How could I scold a kid for faking a cry if it saved me? I gave her a helpless smile, and she relaxed into a real grin.
The broth on her wasnโt hot; sheโd only gotten dirty. No real injury. I set her on the sink and washed her calves and tiny feet, cheeks warming as I remembered the earlier scene.
โMom, why is your face all red? Are you sick?โ
โNo.โ I said, โIโm just oldโcanโt handle that anymore.โ
She cocked her head. โIs Mom really old?โ
I shot her a look. My age might be older than hers, but I wasnโt ancient.
Settling into the new place went smoothly. Aunt Martha and I worked until we dropped for days, but I didnโt feel tired. After lying on a sickbed for so many years, sweat and weak limbs felt like proof I was alive.
On Monday I gave Martha a two-day break and took Chloe to register at preschool myself.
Henry had arranged the preschool Iโd liked when we previewed the rentalโthe one the agent said was hard to get into. He took care of that mess, saving me a lot of trouble.
When we arrived, many parents and kids were already there. We were early. Parents were greeting each other; some children were being left in the play area to adjust. I nudged Chloe to go meet other kids, and watched her reluctantly let go of my hand and drift into the play space, glancing back at me every so often. For a moment I felt a pangโbecause she was a child. I told myself thatโdefinitely not because she was Chloe Bennett.
As she walked away I thought of my past lifeโMichael Lee and I had no children and never fretted over them. Now I felt an unfamiliar tenderness: kids are a sweet burden.
Lost in thought, something bumped my shin. A little boy in a baseball cap had toppled right in front of me. I crouched and helped him upโhe was wearing a mask.
I dusted off his knees and asked if he was okay. He said coolly, โIโm fine. Thank you, maโam.โ Then he tilted his head and asked, โExcuse me, where is the teacher?โ
Just then a smiling teacher in uniform came out and said, โHello to all new families. Our classroom is readyโplease join us in Room 7 for the opening ceremony.โ
The kids in the play area scampered to their parents. Chloe returned to me with a flushed face and a thin sheen of sweat. After I wiped her brow I realized the masked little boy had vanishedโprobably taken into the classroom by his parent.
We all filed into the room. After the brief hustle, parents dispersed around the edges and I stood near the back. Chloe sat down and I scanned the room. The little boy in the cap was thereโcalm, still, staring ahead while other kids looked around at their parents. He had a quietly cool demeanor that made me smile.
After the director and teachers gave the welcome and intro, they led the kids through some interactive games. One teacher handed each child a small daisy and explained they would introduce themselves and then give their flower to someone they liked, asking, โCan we be friends?โ
It was new and sweetโsomewhat nerve-wracking. I worried Chloe might not get a flower and be upset, but my worry was needless. She received two flowers within minutes and proudly waved her three daisies at me.
That meant some other kid might not get one. I thought, โGame flaw,โ and sighed.
Then it was the baseball-capped boyโs turn to introduce himself. He stood and quietly said, โHello, my name is Michael Lee.โ
He then crossed between the desks to the back of the classroom and stood right in front of me. He held up his daisy. โCan I be friends with you?โ
Three-year-old Michael Lee asked me.
I froze, forgetting to reach for the flower. A teacher prompted, โGive it to the child,โ but he seemed not to hear, holding the little daisy up straight.
Yesโthis was him. Not a namesake, not a dream. Him.
โNo one steal my mommy!โ a loud shout snapped me back. Chloe had rushed over and shoved Michael.
The classroom flinched at the sudden fight. The teacher, experienced, stepped in and steadied Michael. I called to Chloeโtelling her hitting is wrong. I asked Chloe to apologize. She pouted and quickly teared up. โItโs his fault. Heโs trying to take my mommy!โ
Michael glanced at Chloe, unmoved, and still held the daisy out to me.
My hand moved without thinking to take it. The teacher cut in: โLookโChloe is crying. Why donโt you give her the flower and be friends?โ
Michael shook his head, insisting he didnโt want it.
The room froze. The teacher looked helplessly at me, hoping Iโd say something, but I only stared at the two kids and felt my heart pounding.
โSorry Iโm late.โ
A manโs voice came from the doorway, and all eyes turned toward him.
His hair was messyโfamiliar at a glance.
He scanned the classroom and spoke to himself as he introduced, โIโm Michael Leeโs parentโwhere is he? Oh, there he is!โ
He walked toward the back of the room, looking bewildered under everyoneโs stares. When he reached Michael, he asked the teacher, โDid Michael get into trouble?โ
The teacher explained what happened. Michael tucked the little daisy back into his chest. Chloe clutched my finger so hard she wouldnโt let go, shooting Michael a glare now and then.
No one knew the earthquake of emotions inside me.
Not to mention, I knew that manโIโd seen Dr. Lewis at the hospital a few days ago.
Michaelโs appearance had already stunned me. I never expected Dr. Lewis to be his guardian.
So who was he?
After the teacher finished, Dr. Lewis thought for a moment, then asked Michael, โThe teacher says the prize is meant to be given to a friend. Do you understand?โ
Michael nodded.
โThen would you consider giving it to this little girl, making up with her and being friends?โ
Michael lowered his head silently, then suddenly looked up at me. I forced a smile. He seemed to make a decision, shoved the daisy into my other hand, and walked back to his seat without looking back.
The teacher and Dr. Lewis exchanged glances. The principal was the first to recover and pushed the ceremony along. Luckily, the kids werenโt too distracted; the entrance ceremony concluded smoothly.
Parents departed from the preschool one after another. Chloe kept making me promise Iโd pick her up before school ended. Nearby, Dr. Lewis was talking to Michael. I couldnโt help but eavesdrop.
โWhy didnโt you call me this morning?โ Dr. Lewis asked.
โYou were sleeping,โ Michael replied.
โSo you shouldโve called!โ
Michael was silent. I sneaked a look at him and found his eyes on mine. I quickly looked away, then reminded Chloe of a few things before we left the preschool.
We hadnโt gone far when someone called from behind, โMs. Bennett.โ
I turned. It was him.
โHi, Dr. Lewis.โ
He walked up, scratched his head, and apologized awkwardly, โSorry for the trouble.โ
โItโs okay.โ
I looked him over. His hair was messy and he had noticeable stubbleโso different from the neat, serious doctor Iโd seen in the hospital. I pointed out, โYour Tโshirt is on backwards.โ
He glanced down, then grinned, โI was in a rush. I pulled an allโnighter yesterday and overslept this morning.โ
I paused, then couldnโt hold back a question: โAre youโฆ Michaelโsโ?โ
โUncle. My name is Daniel Lewis.โ
Pain tore through me; my eyes stung. Still, I clung to a shred of hope and asked, hesitating, โWerenโt his parents here?โ
He fell silent for a moment and then said the thing I never wanted to hear: โThey were in a car accident. They passed away.โ
I looked down and couldnโt stop the tears.
โYou okay? Youโฆ heyโฆ Iโpaperโโ He fumbled in his pockets, flustered, finding nothing.
I knew I must look strange to onlookers, but the grief inside me was unbearable.
The photo on Danielโs desk flashed through my mindโthe couple standing beside him were Michaelโs parents, the baby in their arms was Michael.
In my last life, Michaelโs parents died when he was very young. He grew up with his uncle, who later, heartbroken, left for abroad the year Michael got into university and never returnedโeventually dying far from home.
This uncle Iโd never met in my previous life was standing awkwardly in front of me now, unsure what to do.
And Michaelโheโd already known the pain of losing his parents. Seeing him again now, his life hadnโt seemed to get any kinder.
Daniel insisted on walking me home. During the walk, he mentioned that he lived close to Michaelโs house. He didnโt press about why Iโd been crying and kept saying things aloud as if filling silence.
โThat kid probably clung to you because of your dress. His mom liked that style,โ he said.
I was stunned. In my previous life, Daniel used to buy me skirtsโplaid, tulleโand Iโd grown to like that style. Iโd never thought his interest might be connected to that.
Even after living with someone for years, there are still things you donโt know.
Back home, I collapsed onto the couch. I felt hollowed out, bone weary.
I shut my eyes and memories rolled in like waves.
Michael and I met in college.
He always acted aloof, and combined with his good looks and top grades, he attracted a lot of attention.
Chloe always seemed to hover around him. People assumed they were a couple until a girl who confessed to Michael found out heโd rejected her and discovered Chloe had been his childhood friend.
Rumors of Chloe being manipulativeโplaying sweet in front of people while scheming behind their backsโstarted to spread. Iโd ignored those stories at first.
But as Michael and I grew closer, I personally experienced Chloeโs two-faced behavior.
Michael stayed true to himself. Even though we had misunderstandings, he ultimately chose me.
Even when Chloe used her life to sabotage our marriage, we leaned on each other and made it through.
Poor Michaelโhis life seemed like a book of sufferings, fate constantly cruel to him.
His parents were gone when he was only two.
Thinking of him going to preschool alone today, seeking the teacher by himself, sitting quietly at his deskโI realized it wasnโt a kid trying to look cool. He knew that, among the bustling crowd, nobody was truly there for him.
Iโd always thought Chloe and Michael had been friends from a young age, but I never guessed they met in preschool.
In college, Iโd been jealous of Chloe and regretted not being part of Michaelโs childhood, of not meeting him before she did.
Who would have thought Iโd get a chance to walk into his childhoodโonly, cruelly, in this new identity.
And Daniel? That young, vibrant faceโI could never have linked him to the heartbroken uncle who died abroad.
Wait.
Daniel never married. What if I introduced him to someone? What if I pushed to set him upโcould I change his future?
If his future could change, maybe other things could too.
Now Iโm Chloeโs mother. If I raise Chloe differently than her original mother did, will she stop clinging to Michael? Will she stop doing those extreme things?
But theyโd already clashed the first day they metโmaybe my presence has already broken their old bond.
If so, maybe itโs better they hate each otherโ
Better that Chloe grow to dislike Michael than love him and be rejected, right?
I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling, wishing the heavens would be merciful and write two big words up there: Correct!
Nothing changed. The room was eerily quiet.
โDing ding dingโโ
A sharp phone ring snapped me out of my reverieโand startled me.
I answered. An anxious voice asked, โIs this Chloe Bennettโs mother?โ
โYes, this is she.โ
โCould you come back to the preschool? Chloe and Michael got into a fight.โ
When I returned to the preschool for the second time, Daniel was already waiting in the office. I nodded at him in greeting.
My eyes went straight to Michael. His hat and mask were off; his head and face were fine and his clothes seemed intactโexcept for a sterile bandage on his knee.
Rage flared instantly, and I swung my gaze to Chloe, only to see her eyes red and watery. Seeing her tearful face cut my anger in half.
โTeacher, excuse meโwhat happened between the two kids?โ I asked, trying to control my temper.
โDuring recess just now, for some reason at the bathroom sink area, Chloe pushed Michael. Michael fell and scraped his knee, butโโ The teacher hesitated, glancing at Chloe. Chloe hurried behind my leg.
โChloe says Michael splashed water on her, and she turned to dodge and accidentally knocked him down.โ
I looked at Michael with fresh worry. โOther than the knee, is he hurt anywhere else? Did he sprain his ankle?โ
Michael met my eyes calmly and shook his head.
โJust the knee? A bandage will do? Should we take an Xโray to make sure he didnโt hurt himself badly?โ
I looked to Daniel. Heโd been assessing Michael, but my question put him on the spot. He waved his hand quickly, flustered, โNo, no. Kids roughhouse all the timeโjust a little scrapeโฆโ
โThatโs not okay. Even a scrape is dangerousโrisk of tetanusโโ I kept glancing at Michael, aching to scoop him into my arms and rush him to the hospital. Chloeโs weak calls of โMomโ behind me went ignored.
โAhem, Mrs. Bennettโโ
The teacher cleared her throat, cutting off my rapid-fire questions. "The issue now is, as the school we must ensure the children's safety. For now we need to resolve the conflict between the two kids to prevent this from happening again. Don't you agree?"
"Yes, yes, you're right, teacher."
"Chloe, apologize to Michael right now!"
I pulled Chloe out from hiding behind me and commanded sharply.
"Mom, it wasn't me!"
Chloe looked utterly wronged; big teardrops were already falling down her cheeks.
"Don't argue!" My voice went sharp. "Michael hurt his kneeโif his injury is bad, Iโ"
"Ahem, Ms. Bennett, Ms. Bennett!"
Ethan Park couldn't stand my scolding and interrupted. "They're just kids with a quarrel. Talk it through and move onโdon't scare themโฆ"
His words made me realize Chloe was crying even harder. She clung to my leg with one hand and kept wiping her eyes with the other. "Mom, Mom, it wasn't my fault. He splashed water on me. I didn't mean toโฆ Mom, waahโฆ"
I glanced at Michael with some worry. Michael spoke up then: "Auntie, I'm fine. She didn't do it on purpose."
I froze, then nodded slightly and softened my tone. "Chloe, even though Michael says you didn't mean to, he's still hurt, and it's because of you. You need to apologize to Michael, okay?"
Chloe sniffled and stopped crying. She looked up at me, saw my resolve, and reluctantly nodded.
I bent down and pried her away from my leg. She stubbornly kept hold of one of my hands, then finally looked toward Michael and whispered, "I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
Little Michael answered calmly.
"Michael's uncle, is there anything else you'd like us to address? Both sets of parents are hereโif you have any requests, please say them."
The teacher turned to Ethan Park, who'd been bewildered the whole time.
"No, we don't have any demands. Right, Michael?"
He glanced at Michael.
Michael shook his head.
"Alright, thenโฆ" The teacher exhaled in relief. "Both kids, please go back to class. Mr. Park, thank you for coming inโif anything else comes up we'll be in touch."
Ethan nodded, exchanged a few polite words, and followed Michael out of the office.
"Ms. Bennett."
When the office emptied, the teacher finally addressed me. I quickly nodded.
"Here's the thing: the other parent isn't pursuing this, but I still want to talk to you about the incident. Regarding roughhousingโChloe says she tried to avoid him after he splashed water and accidentally knocked him down, but actuallyโฆ"
She paused, scanning my face like she was choosing her words. "Please don't be angry."
I nodded.
"Michael didn't get splashed. Chloe pushed him from behind when he wasn't looking. Our custodian saw the whole thing and told us."
"Although Chloe did cry a lot and there might be things we don't know, she did deliberately push Michael."
The teacher said this like she worried I wouldn't believe it or would accuse them of falsely blaming Chloe. What she didn't know was I believed it all too wellโthis sounded exactly like Chloe!
I almost wanted to grab her hand and narrate all the times Chloe pulled little manipulative stunts, to tell of the heartbreaks I'd suffered because of her manipulations!
But I held back. After all, I was Chloe's mother now, and my priority was to hear what the teacher had to say.
"I understand. I'll give her a stern talking-to when we get home," I promised solemnly.
"I believe you can handle it." The teacher seemed surprised by my indignation, then added, worriedly, "But children are young. Sometimes they don't realize the consequences. And we did see what happened this morningโmaybe Chloe sees Michael as a pretend enemy. Your job is mainly to guide her, so she doesn't form those bad thoughts or behaviors. Don't you agree?"
I nodded emphatically.
Before I left, the teacher handed me a flimsy pamphlet about how moms can communicate with their children. On the cover were eight big characters: "Mom and I Are Good Friends."
The thought of being friends with Chloe made me shiver.
We left the school building and headed toward the gate. From a distance I saw Ethan Park standing there.
"Hey, I thought you'd been locked in the teacher's dungeon while they plotted your rescue," I said with a snort. "Why is your T-shirt inside out?"
He scratched his head the same way as before, a little embarrassed. "I crashed on the couch on the way back and forgot to flip it."
"I'm really sorry about this morning. I'll talk to Chloe properly at home."
"No, no, don't worry. Kids fight. It's just a tumbleโno need for a big fuss." He smiled. I thanked him.
We stood there awkwardly for a bit until I broke the silence. "I'm going to the store to pick up dinner ingredients. I'll go ahead."
"Oh?" Ethan scratched his head. "OhโI need to buy groceries too."
Without another word he fell in beside me.
On the way he kept commenting: "Kids these days are treated like porcelain. A tiny scrape and teachers act like it's an emergency." He went on, "When we were kids we were tougherโunless you were bleeding, the teacher wouldn't care!"
Then he asked, "Was your school like that when you were a kid?"
I glanced at him. In truth, that's exactly how cautious my school had been. He had no idea that the three-year-old me was just starting kindergarten in this very place.
When he noticed I wasn't replying, he didn't get annoyed and continued chatting about how exhausting but rewarding childcare can be, completely unaware that my mind had drifted.
I hadn't stopped thinking about it lately: where exactly was I now? What had my young parents been likeโwhat were they doing now? No matter how I tried to recall, I couldn't remember our home address or phone number from when I was three. I only came to this city for college; before that I'd never set foot here. Memories from earlier were suddenly so hazy.
All I could remember clearly were a tall, handsome father and a gentle, generous mother. Where were they now? Could I ever see them again?
In the supermarket Ethan trailed behind, tossing random items into his cart so you couldn't tell what he planned to cook.
"Buying cookies? You're reading the labels like a nutritionist," he teased when he saw me inspecting three different boxes.
"I'm looking for no-peanut options," I replied nonchalantly, then put two boxes back after comparing ingredients.
At the frozen food aisle I grabbed a few packages of dumplings; he casually tossed several instant noodle packs into his cart.
"Done shopping?" he asked as he came over.
"Yesโthese."
I pulled a couple bags of shrimp dumplings from the freezer.
"All shrimp ones?"
"Yeah."
At checkout I asked for two bags and divided the items. Ethan filled his own bag, too, then insisted on carrying one of mine. I handed him one without much thought.
When we parted he handed the bag back to me. I smiled. "This is for Michaelโpart of Chloe's apology."
He peeked in, mumbled, "All his favorites," and then gave me a look of disbelief. "You really know Michael well!"
I paused, then answered softly, "Do I?"
"My husband likes those too."
08 When I picked Chloe up from kindergarten that afternoon, I watched from a distance as she followed the teacher out of the building. She was on tiptoe, craning her neck to look outside; her little brows were knitted like she had a secret, and the moment she saw me her whole face lit up into a huge smile.
I waved, and my eyes automatically scanned over the kids' heads until I spotted Michael at the back of the line. He wore a baseball cap and a mask, head down, quietly trailing behind.
When Chloe broke into a sprint toward me yelling "Mom!" I felt Michael glance our way. But by the time I steadied Chloe and looked up, he had already walked off alone.
I asked the teacher if Michael's parent hadn't come to pick him up. The teacher sighed and said, "He only has one uncle. He called and said he was stuck at the hospital and couldn't leave, so he told the child to go home on his own. I asked Michael to call me as soon as he got home to let me know he's safe."
After saying goodbye to the teacher, I took a small detour with Chloe to make sure Michael went into the apartment building. Only when I saw him go inside did I let myself head home.
I changed Chloe into her home clothes. She obediently washed her hands and face, then came out clutching her hands in triumphโwater still dotted across her cheeks.
I dried her off, sat her in her booster seat, and put a bowl of pumpkin puree in front of her for a snack. I sat across from her, listening to her chatter about her first day at kindergarten while thinking of how to bring up the conversation I needed to have.
Alone, the questions kept coming. I had no parenting experienceโwas I capable? And Chloe wasn't even my biological childโdid I have the right to shape her life? But fate had brought us together; for better or worse, I had to face it.
"Mom, I thinkโit's so much fun at kindergarten!" she said, waving her little arms and shoving a spoonful of pumpkin into her mouth.
"Chloe."
"Yeah?"
"Can you tell me what happened at school today when you argued with the other kids?"
At the mention of it, sheโwho had been bright-eyed a moment agoโimmediately deflated, like a wilted eggplant. Her little head practically drooped into her bowl.
I reached out and patted her cheek and said calmly, "I'm not trying to blame you. I just want you to remember what happened, because the teacher might not know the whole story. If she gets the wrong idea and starts to dislike you, what would we do?"
Her head lifted a little. I caught her big eyes sneaking a glance at me.
"Did the teacher say she saw you push Michael Lee? Is that true?"
At Michael's name, Chloe's lips pressed together. She hesitated, then nodded.
"So you pushed him because he made you unhappy, right?"
She nodded again.
"What did he do to make you upset? Did he splash water on you?"
This time she didn't nod so readily. Instead she pressed her lips even tighter.
"The teacher says she didn't see Michael splash you. Did the teacher make a mistake? Chloe?"
I saw her shoulders tremble quickly, like she hiccupped, and then slowly shake her head. I pressed on, "No? The teacher didn't see it?"
She finally lifted her head a little more. When I looked down, her big eyes were brimming with tears. Something tightened in my chest. She mumbled in a tiny voice, "I'm sorry, Mommy. I lied. WaaโI'm sorryโ"
She flung her face up and began to cry, her mouth stuffed with pumpkin puree, her right hand clenching the spoon. She looked ridiculous and pitiful all at once, which made me both want to scold and laugh. I grabbed a tissue to wipe her face while soothing her, "Don't cry, don't cry. It's okay, I understand. Don't cry, be a good girlโ"
Maybe because I didn't scold her, she gradually relaxed. Even between hiccups she kept chewing. I was about to tell her to spit it out when, to my surprise, she swallowed and, through her tears, flatteringly praised, "Mommy, your pumpkin puree is so good, sobโฆ"
I held back a laugh. I'd never realized Chloe was such a foodie, but I didn't forget why I was there. "Can you tell me why you pushed Michael?"
Every sniff made her little head bob uncontrollably. She answered in fits and starts, "I don't like him taking you away from meโ"
After she said it, she seemed to feel terribly wronged and burst into louder sobs, complete with hiccups.
I jumped up and went to her, patting her back and comforting her until she calmed down. Only after I promised I wouldn't be angry did she finally settle.
That night after her bath, I told her the story of Pinocchio. When I told her that Pinocchio's nose grows when he lies, she reflexively covered her nose.
It struck me as funny, but I kept telling the story to the end because it seemed to have an effect.
When I finished, Chloe popped out of bed and looked at me seriously. "Mommy, if you lie you'll turn into a wooden puppet?"
I intended to nod, but then I remembered the last lifeโhow, the day she died, I almost said something different. What came out instead was, "If it's a white lieโฆ it won't happen."
"What is a white lie?"
"A white lie isโฆ a lie that doesn't hurt anyone. Do you understand?"
Her big eyes blinked; she nodded vaguely. I knew she didn't really understand, but the point for today was achieved, so I added, "But it's okay to lie to bad people."
Her little brow furrowed more deeply, confusion written all over her. I was about to tell her she'd understand when she was older when she suddenly hugged my neck, surprising me. "I will never lie to Mommy again."
Her little arms had surprising strengthโshe squeezed me tight, and I felt oddly flushed, like I couldn't breathe.
"Will you always love me, Mommy?"
My body froze.
After a long moment, I nodded.
โAfter the first day's scuffle at kindergarten, Chloe and I made three rules: no lying, don't be friends with Michael, and don't pick fights with Michael. I wasn't asking muchโjust that she not cause trouble for him.
She was delighted that I hadn't scolded her for the incident and agreed at once.
Life at kindergarten settled into a routine. Habit is a powerful thing; I found myself almost used to the daily bustle of taking care of a small child.
Every morning we ate together, I took her to school, picked her up, did crafts with her. Even Martha joked that I had "suddenly learned how to be a mother."
I asked her if I had been bad to children before. She smiled and said not exactly badโjust not affectionate. The kids were a little afraid of me. But now Chloe woke up every day searching for Mommy.
"Before? Were you not like this?" I asked.
Martha, snipping ends off green beans into a bowl, sighed, "When you lived at Mr. Bennett's place, you were drunk five out of seven days and missing the other two. How were you supposed to care for her?"
I lowered my eyes and kept picking beans quietly.
Martha went on, "Chloe ate alone, watched TV alone, played by herself. Every time I saw her talking to her doll, my heartโฆ"
She sniffed and even choked up. "But we're moved now. You're different. This is goodโfor the child and for you."
Martha was in her fifties, widowed. She'd taken the nanny job to have something to do and to avoid living with her son and daughter-in-law. She was hardworking, quick, and I liked her. When I had time, we'd sit and prep vegetables or go shopping together. She teased me like an older sister, and we were comfortable enough to joke about age.
"You're still young," she'd say. "You need to find a way to earn a living. Kids grow up, they cost money. Always asking others for help isn't steady."
I knew she was referring to Henry. I nodded in agreement, which made her smile.
I had thought about it too. Even though being transplanted decades into this life gave me advantagesโsome investments and housing moves were easierโI wanted a real business. But I'd been out of the workforce a long time and didn't know where to start. I had sold some bags and shoes and closed a bank account, which added up, but living off savings forever would be risky.
Lost in thought, my phone buzzed. Time to pick up Chloe.
When I reached the kindergarten, children were streaming out. There were four small classes; Chloe was in Class Two. As they came out, she saw me from a distance and hopped up and down, shouting to her teacher, "My mommy's here! My mommy's here!" The teacher exchanged a look with me, then let her go.
I dawdled straightening Chloe's coat and backpack while listening to her complain she was hungry and sneaking glances around for Michael.
Michael came out with the line, trailing at the end. He walked a few steps and was called by a womanโyoung and pretty in a cream floral dress, long hair falling smoothly by her ears. They spoke for a moment; with the noise at the school gate, I couldn't make out their words.
When I hesitated about whether to approach, the woman smiled and offered her hand. Michael shook his head. I let out a small breath, relievedโthen he followed the woman away.
No teacher seemed to notice. I had a bad feeling.
Just as I grabbed Chloe's hand to follow, a figure stepped in front of me and blocked the way.
"Ms. Bennett."
I looked at the woman in front of me, puzzledโunsure who she was.
"My son goes to this kindergarten too," she said, pausing. "Henry didn't tell you?"
Her smile was half-sneer, and she spoke with an air of superiority, looking Chloe up and down.