I Married My Childhood Friend, But He Loved Her

I Married My Childhood Friend, But He Loved Her cover

I Married My Childhood Friend, But He Loved Her

After we picked up the marriage certificate, he took a callโ€”some lab project needed ramping up, he’d be living at the lab for the next few days.

I said "okay," then turned and drove back to my parents’ house.

There was no way I was going to sit alone in the soโ€‘called new marital homeโ€”I don’t sleep well in strange beds!

I rang the doorbell and my mom answered.

She nearly jumped when she saw me. "Weren’t you supposed to pick up the marriage certificate today with Ethan?" "Yeah," I answered as I stepped in and changed my shoes. "The City Clerk’s Office was empty. We didn’t wait long." I said it like I was talking about grabbing takeout.

My mom peered out the door. I plopped down on the couch and told her, “Don’t stareโ€”Ethan didn’t come.” She got flustered, shut the door, sat beside me and fired off questions like a cannon. “Why didn’t he come? Are you two fighting? Where’s the certificateโ€”let me see it.” “Ethan says his project needs progress; he’ll be living in the lab for the next few days. As for the certificateโ€ฆ” I dug into my bag and felt aroundโ€”no certificate. “It must have been left in his car.” “Honestly, how can you forget your marriage certificate when you’ve only just picked it up?” Mom scolded, then her eyes clouded with worry. “I only let you marry Ethan because you two grew up together and the Foster familyโ€ฆ” “We know the Fosters inside out, and his mother won’t make my life difficult. You’ve told me all this a hundred times,” I finished for her, irritation rising. “But Ethan doesn’t like me.”

My mom rolled her eyes with practiced grace. “Claire Bennett, isn’t the face I gave you your best advantage? You’ve inherited my beauty and none of my other good qualities. You look so much like me; back in my dayโ€ฆ” (one thousand narcissistic words omitted). I forced myself to be patient and said, “Ethan has someone he lovesโ€”Hazel. You can’t just shove me at him because Hazel isn’t back in the country.”

My mom put a hand to my forehead, puzzled. “You’re not feverish. Why are you talking nonsense?” When I stayed silent, she added, “Don’t worry. Ethan’s been decent all these years. He’s almost thirty and never dated, which is why his mother came to talk to me about asking for you as a daughter-in-law.” I was getting more annoyed. Why would my parents refuse to believe Ethan and Hazel had a past when I’d told them so many times?

I was about to speak when the doorbell rang again, choking off my words. I opened the door in a sour mood.

Standing there was Ethanโ€”my legal husband.

"E-Ethan?" I said, confused. "Weren’t you at the lab?" My mom hurried over, lighting up. "Is Ethan here to pick up Claire?" "Mom, these are for you and Dad." Ethan handed over bags as if it were the most natural thing. "I took a couple days off from the lab. I came home and didn’t see Claire; I figured she was here, so I stopped by." Watching my mom beam, I thought: what a model son-in-law.

"If you’re coming, just comeโ€”no need for all that. I’ve told Claire enough, you two can head home." Ethan finally looked at me. "Want me to take you out to eat? Anything you want?" My mom cheerfully shooed me into Ethan’s car, clearly convinced she’d performed a heroic matchmaking deed.

On the drive, I couldn’t sit still. Ethan stayed silent, so I forced the small talk. "Why did you take time off?" I asked.

“You should’ve told me you were coming home,” he said with a faint reproach. “If you came back alone, your mom would worry we were fighting.” I felt a little hurt and snapped softly, “You weren’t home, and I’m not familiar with the new place. I didn’t want to be alone.” Ethan tilted his head and asked, “Are you afraid of the dark?”

I cocked my head, thinking. "No. I just don’t sleep well in strange beds." "Since I’m married to you, I’ll do my duty and be the husband and son-in-law I should be." Ethan’s tone was flat, as if saying a plain fact.

He was such a capable personโ€”everything he did was done thoroughly. I believed he could play the part of husband. But regarding Hazelโ€”had he really let her go?

"Actually," I said, "if you want, we can end this marriage at any time." Because you have no love for me, only obligation. I didn’t dare bring up Hazel abroadโ€”didn’t want to stir up old pain.

“Mrs. Foster, I have no intention of ending our marriage, now or in the future. My parents like you, and we’re a good match. I don’t want to spend my time going back and forth over this.” He parked and opened my door for me.

We were at a highly rated authentic Szechuan hotpot restaurant. He probably thought he was thoughtful bringing me here. He didn’t know I can’t eat spicy food.

His gestures toward me were gentle and considerateโ€”but completely bereft of love.

I said nothing and followed him inside. He ordered, and I watched the red oil bubble in the pot. The smell was fierce; my eyes were close to watering.

"Excuse me, can I get your WeChat?" a young college-looking girl asked Ethan, cutting through my thoughts. Ethan was mixing dipping sauce and didn’t even look up, as if he hadn’t heard.

Receiving no reply, the girl awkwardly turned to me. “Does your brother have a girlfriend?” I blinkedโ€”how could she possibly mistake us for siblings?

"He isn’tโ€”" I started to explain.

"Married." Ethan said the word sharply, placed the sauce in front of me, and never glanced at the girl. She mumbled an apology and fled.

“Ethan.” My nose stung a little. “Could you… not be so good to me?” I was afraid his kindness would make it impossible for me to hold back my feelings. I had loved Ethan long before Hazel ever did.

I couldn’t remember when it startedโ€”ten years ago? Twenty? I always followed his footsteps: same middle school, same high school, same major. On the day I got my acceptance letter, I wanted to tell himโ€”wanted to confess. Passing a room, I heard Hazel tell him, "Okayโ€”five years from now, when I come back, you’ll marry me." Ethan said, "Okay." Hazel then traveled the world for inspiration, determined to be a great painter. Ethan buried himself in research and became a well-known scientist. I studied Biomedical Engineering, a field I didn’t love, and kept my feelings to myself.

Ethan was like a beloved book I couldn’t stop rereadingโ€”knowing I couldn’t get inside but unable to let go.

“Claire Bennett,” he said, using my full name this time, “if you really don’t want to marry me, you should have said so from the start. I wouldn’t force you.” I looked up and tears slipped down. The hotpot was making my eyes sting.

Seeing me cry, Ethan looked awkward but tried to soothe me. "I didn’t mean anything. Don’t read too much into it." "This hotpot is really spicy," I said, talking about something else entirely.

Ethan said, "Hazel recommended this place. I thought you two had similar tastesโ€ฆ What’s wrong? Don’t you like spicy food?" "It’s my period. I don’t have an appetite," I said expressionlessly. I knew my attitude was strange, but I couldn’t bear to hear Hazel’s name.

"Let’s go home." Ethan called the server for the bill, picked up his coat on the chair, and said, "Come on, Claire."

Back at Ethan’s house, I sat on the couch scrolling through my feed. My friend Maya had posted her wedding photos and I realized Ethan and I hadn’t even taken wedding photos.

Both families originally wanted a grand weddingโ€”both the Fosters and Bennetts were prominent. I had refused. I didn’t want a big spectacle. Marrying Ethan felt like something I’d stolen from Hazelโ€”something that couldn’t be shown to the light. How could I parade it around?

While I was looking at Maya’s photos, she called.

"Hey Maya," I answered, "Ethan and I picked up the certificate today." "With who?" Maya was still her loud self. "What time is itโ€”are you sleeping in?" I checked the study upstairs to make sure he couldn’t hear, then went on, "No, I really did it. We picked it up." "Waitโ€”you mean Ethan Foster?" Maya was incredulous. "Yes, the one you mean." I was half amused, half exasperated.

“This world is wild. This is even crazier than when I transmigrated,” she shouted. “Claire Bennett, you did itโ€”you married the man every woman in Southport dreams of!” I had a headache from her yelling. “I’ve liked Ethan for so many years,” I said. Silence on the line made me think the call dropped. Maya then whispered, “You’ve known him so long? Holyโ€”what kind of family are you?” Ugh.

Maya always focused on the oddest things. I kept myself from smacking her and steered the conversation back. "The point is I like himโ€”I’ve liked him for years." "Ah! Wait, I remember nowโ€”he’s the childhood friend you left me for when you went overseas?" Her mental reflex was slow.

“Marrying him should make your dream come true,” Maya gushed. “Bossy CEO’s little wifeโ€”no, bossy scientist’s little wife. So exciting!” “But I think he used to date my cousin,” I said, and the words felt like a heavy stone in my chest.

“Oohโ€”spicy,” Maya purred. “I wouldn’t even dare to write this in a novel.” I rubbed my temple. “So I don’t know how to face my cousin about it.” “Face what?” Maya said. “You didn’t steal or lie. You legally registeredโ€”what’s there to explain? You’re protected by law. Why worry about an ex?” That fired me up. I crossed my legs and, in full gossip mode, asked, “Do men never forget their first love? Isn’t it true that when the ex cries, the current girlfriend loses?” “How would I knowโ€ฆ Claire, you seem a little off today.”

โ€œYouโ€™re not usually so sentimental. Arenโ€™t you supposed to be a straight-up STEM girl?โ€ I even thought my sudden mood today was weird. Ethan is probably my biggest exception.

(4)
After hanging up with Maya, boredom hit me. I scrolled Zhihu on my phone.

A topic caught my eye: โ€œWhatโ€™s it like to marry someone youโ€™ve liked for a long time?โ€ Hmmโ€ฆ whatโ€™s it like being married to Ethan?

Itโ€™s like when you were a kid and saw a beautiful, delicate doll in a store windowโ€”loved it but couldnโ€™t buy it, so youโ€™d make a point of going to the mall every day just to look.

Day after day, year after year you stare at it, and then one day the store clerk takes the doll out and hands it to you, announcing itโ€™s yours now.

At first youโ€™re overjoyed, but later an unreal feeling creeps in, then fearโ€”fear that someone else will like the doll, fear youโ€™ll lose it.

Losing something after having it hurts so much more than never having had it at all.

Mayaโ€™s last words still echoed: โ€œStop being scared. Whatever happened between Ethan and Hazel was five years ago. Your legal husband is right in front of you, why are you chickening out? Youโ€™re not worse than Hazel. You grew up togetherโ€”being close to him gives you a head startโ€ฆโ€ I admit, when Maya gets excited, her words tumble out all wrong, but the kernel is true.

Thinking Ethan hadnโ€™t eaten much tonight, I opened the fridge and made a bowl of tomato-and-egg noodles.

This was my signature dish. Back when I was studying in the culinary desert of the British Isles, itโ€™s what kept me alive.

I took a deep breath to calm the tension and knocked on the study door.

Ethan opened quickly, looking puzzled. โ€œWhatโ€™s up?โ€

โ€œI made you noodles. You didnโ€™t eat much tonight.โ€ I met his eyes. โ€œI didnโ€™t want you to be hungry.โ€ He blinked and then said, โ€œOkay, Iโ€™ll eat now.โ€ The chopsticks were already set. Ethan rolled his sleeves up and dug in.

I propped my chin on my hand and watched him. He looked so goodโ€”features so precise it was like an artist had drawn him. From this angle, that high nose made me ache with envy.

He took a few bites and noticed me staring. He cleared his throat. โ€œYouโ€™re not eating?โ€

I waved him off, reverting to my breezy self. โ€œItโ€™s my period. No appetite.โ€ โ€œOpen up.โ€ Ethan twirled some noodles and held them to my mouth. Heโ€™d never done anything this intimate before, so his expression was awkward.

I obediently opened my mouth.

The noodles were soft, soaked with tomato sauceโ€”tangy and sweet and utterly tempting.

He didnโ€™t switch chopsticks when he fed me, which meantโ€ฆ oh my god, indirect kissing!!!

Realizing that, my face went hot; my ears flamed.

Ethan poked my cheek. โ€œWhy are you so red? Is your period making you hot?โ€ My face felt even hotter. I mumbled, โ€œNoโ€ฆ youโ€™re overthinking. Iโ€™m going to sleep.โ€ Ethan suddenly became serious. โ€œI think you might have dysregulation between your sympathetic and parasympathetic nerves, causing capillary dilation and heat.โ€

Youโ€™re the one with nerve dysregulation.

Trying to seem like a gentle, well-mannered wife in front of the man I loved, I said softly, โ€œSome sleep should fix it. Donโ€™t worry.โ€ โ€œMaybe you should see a doctor.โ€ He set down his chopsticks and straightened his sleeves. โ€œI rememberedโ€”if you get a virus during your period, an upper respiratory infection can cause fever.โ€

If I didnโ€™t like you Iโ€™d have to smack you.

โ€œNo, Iโ€™m fine.โ€ I jumped up and escaped the table. โ€œYou do your work. Iโ€™m going to sleep.โ€
(5)
Time flew; Ethan and I were nearing three months of marriage.

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