Noon, the school cafeteria.
I got there early. It wasn’t even noon yet, and the place wasn’t crowded.
I carried an empty tray and, from across the room, spotted that silhouette in the serving window. My chest went weirdly tight.
I moved toward the counter slowly.
I took a deep breath and looked up at him. "Umโฆ"
The lunch server glanced up, saw me, froze for a second, then smiled. He spoke firstโhis voice actually spoke firstโ"What would you like?"
Even with the mask, I couldn’t help staring.
When he smiled, his eyesโฆ they kind of reminded me of a movie star.
"Umโฆ"
I’ve had this problem since I was little: when I get nervous I start to stammer. I scanned the trays in front of me and pointed at the braised pork with potatoes. "IโI’ll have that one!"
He nodded and took my tray.
Just like before, he scooped out two generous ladles of braised pork. The second scoop had more potatoes, and he frowned a little. Then with one swing of the ladle he rescooped, this time making sure there was more meat.
I hugged the tray to my chest and stared blankly, words tumbling out of me: "Heyโฆ do youโฆ like me?"
"Huh?"
The ladle in his hand froze midair. Even with most of his face covered by the mask, I could see confusion in his expression.
It didn’t look fake.
My heart sank as reality hit meโoh no.
Maybe I was reading into things.
Panicked, I grabbed my tray and bolted. I thought I heard him call after me.
My face burned hot. I didn’t dare look back. I dashed to the cafeteria door, shoved the tray at a passing roommate, and rushed out without turning around.
I ran straight back to the dorm and only then realized what heโd been calling after me aboutโI hadn’t swiped my card.
"โฆ"
This was it. Asking the lunch server if he liked me was embarrassing enough, but accidentally snagging a free meal on top of that?
Massive social death.
Soon my roommates came back from the cafeteria and, bless them, packed me a full meal.
Braised pork with potatoes, mapo tofu, scrambled eggs with tomatoโmy favorites.
My stomach growled. I picked up my chopsticks and took a bite of the pork, but my mind went right back to the lunchtime scene and I felt a little miserable. Then I shoved two more pieces in my mouth.
Before I finished, Maya sat down beside me with a grin and propped her chin on her hand. "Emma, do you know who bought your lunch?"
"Who? How much? I’ll pay them back." I thought she was asking for money and fumbled for my phone.
Maya grabbed my hand and, with a teasing smile, finished the sentence: "The lunch server."
I choked on my food and had to gulp water twice to calm down.
She said the lunch server had offered to pack two servings and asked her to bring one to me. He even asked for my WeChat.
"You gave it to him?"
"Of course." Maya winked. "If it works out, you better treat us to a meal."
I didn’t get to respond before my phone buzzed: a friend request.
A guy. Username "Bradley"โwith a horrendously ugly dog emoji for an avatar. Definitely not the lunch server’s vibe.
My hand shook and I accepted out of curiosity.
Bradley: Hey beautiful, whatcha doing? [smirk]
That "beautiful" felt awkward. I forced out, "Eating."
Then I added, "How much was lunch? I’ll transfer you."
Silence for two minutes, then: 100 is fine.
I almost choked on my own spit. One hundred?
Fine, robber, take it.
I gritted my teeth, didn’t say anything, and transferred 100 yuan. Consider it payment for the extra food he gave me.
Bradley accepted fast and had the nerve to type, "Thanks, beautiful!"
My opinion of him plummeted; any romantic mood was immediately dead.
During lunch break, me and a few roommates were sprawled on Maya’s bed, venting about the lunch server, when another friend request popped up.
Another guy. Username "Zack Reed," and his avatar was a masked comic guyโactually kind of like the lunch server.
We all glanced at each other. Maya grabbed my phone and accepted.
Sure enough, Zack messaged right away: "Classmate, I didn’t catch your question earlierโcould you repeat it?"
I froze for two seconds and then heard my roommates scream with delight.
Maya shook my shoulder. "See? This is the real lunch server!"
I was still dizzy from the excitement and hadn’t replied when I checked Bradley’s profileโonly to discover he’d blocked me after taking my money.
Unbelievable.
He was probably some sleazy scammer trying to add people, and he got lucky with one hundred from this fool of a girl.
Just then my phone buzzed again. Zack: kiddingโI heard your question fine.
My roommates cheered and egged me on, but I stared at the screen dumbfounded.
How should I answer? Ask him again if he likes me?
But seeing his shocked face earlier, he clearly didn’t have that kind of intentionโI’d been making it up.
After hemming and hawing, I texted from my top bunk: "You must have misheard. I actually asked if you thought I was too skinny, which is why you kept giving me extra meat."
I hadn’t thought at all before I typed it. I wasn’t skinny. I’m kind of chubby, with a little baby fat.
Not long after, Zack replied: You’re not skinnyโyou’re adorably plump.
"…"
Oh great. Social death take two.
In his eyes I was probably just some girl who liked free food. Unable to bear the embarrassment, I said I had something to do and crawled under the coversโtoo ashamed to read any more messages.
No afternoon classes. I planned to sleep until morning.
But at dusk I woke to a delicious smell.
Hanging from my bed rail was a bag of noodle soupโmy favorite board noodles from the east-side stall.
I rubbed my eyes, climbed down, and found only Maya slurping at her bowl.
I cradled the noodles like they were precious. "You hung this on my bedโdidn’t you think it’d burn me?"
Maya mumbled through noodles, "You won’t get burnedโI’ll melt from envy first!"
I sat down, bewildered. "What do you mean?"
She glanced at the noodles and smirked. "Guess who bought your dinner."
My heart sped upโwas it really him?
"Don’t tell meโ"
"Yep, the lunch server." Maya took two big sips and continued, "I happened to be at his window. He asked where you were. I said you were asleep. Without another word he had Mr. Brooks cover for him for a few minutes, ran off, bought two bowls, and asked me to bring you one as a treatโgave me one too."
Silence, then Maya sighed into her soup: "That sour, lovey-smelling stench of romance!"
I remembered our half-finished awkward conversation that afternoon and checked my messages. Sure enough, he had replied.
Zack: Don’t worryโI don’t mean anything weird. I just think you don’t need to diet. That plumpness is kind of cute.
Part of me was thrilled he called me cute. Part of me was disappointedโevery extra scoop of food wasn’t because he secretly liked me.
Weird.
I had convinced myself he was secretly crushing on meโwhich I wasn’t doing to himโyet now that I knew the truth, why did I feel let down?
I ate the noodles in a funk, then decided I couldn’t stay in the dorm. I headed to the track for a walk.
It was already dark. The track was dotted with people. Most were single guys jogging alone; the rest were little clusters of couples holding hands, whispering sugary words as the sun set. It was painfully romantic.
I wandered a couple laps, mood sinking, and was about to head back when a figure appeared in front of me.
I looked up, surprised. He was a handsome stranger, but the face felt oddly familiar.
He wore an all-black T-shirtโprobably here to runโand stood before me, looking down with a half-smile. His gaze made me uncomfortable.
"Um, do youโฆ need something?" I asked.
He seemed taken aback. Then he pulled a mask from his pocket and put it on. "Does this help you recognize me?"
!!!
It was the lunch server.
Turns out, taking off the mask wasn’t the only thing that made him nice-looking.
I got so nervous I started to stammer, "Iโit’s youโI’mโ"
He laughed softly, then removed the mask and curved his lips. "Don’t be nervous. I’m not going to eat you."
I nodded quickly.
My heart thudded out of control.
The lunch server propped his chin on one hand, leaning in slightly to look at me. โHey, did todayโs food sit okay with you?โ
His mentioning todayโs meal snapped me back to reality. I hurriedly ducked my head and started patting my pockets. โUm, theโ the money for the meal, Iโll pay you back.โ
I fumbled through my pockets, grabbed a handful of cash without counting, and shoved it into his hand.
At the lunch serverโs shocked, bewildered look, I panicked and boltedโturning and running away right in front of him.
This time, it seemed he didnโt call after me.
I sprinted back to the dorm in one breath, slumped down, and didnโt really calm until Iโd drunk more than half a cup of water.
Maya patted my back, curious. โYou didnโt actually run away right after eating, did you?โ
I shook my head. Before I could say anything else, a sharp pain twisted in my lower belly. The familiar feeling hit meโmy period had come. My cycle was always punctual; by the calendar it would come any day now, so Iโd been carrying a pad in my pocket these past few days.
I clutched my stomach and went to the bathroomโonly to find my pockets empty.
The padโฆ Iโd probably shoved it into the lunch serverโs hand along with the change.
In the stall, I pressed my hand to my empty pocket and wanted to cry.
Other girls have those cute, accidental meet-cute stories that kick off sweet romances. Me? I get an โadmirer,โ and the sweet romance never showsโonly three rounds of social death.
No wonder my roommates always teased me that as soon as I thought about romance, my brain went out the window.
I used to argue back, but now? Maybe they were right.
Maya handed me a pad. I came out of the bathroom feeling defeated and checked my phone. No red dot in the chatโno message from the lunch server.
I wonโt lie; I felt disappointed. I just stared at my phone for a bit, then fired up Arena Clash to blow off steam.
The moment I logged on, a party invite popped up. I almost declined, but my finger froze.
The inviter wasโฆ the lunch server.
Hypocrite that I am, I immediately accepted his friend request.
It was matchmaking modeโjust the two of us.
He was typing fast: โCan we play casual?โ
I wanted to save a little dignity for my earlier goofy move, so I typed back, โWant to queue ranked? Iโm a really good support!โ
Silence, then: โWait, Iโll switch accounts.โ
Only then did I notice our ranks didnโt matchโI’m Platinum, heโs Glory King.
No sooner had I seen the message than he logged out.
I stared at the screen for a long while. Thankfully, after the prior embarrassments, I didnโt feel as mortified this time.
Soon he sent a ranked inviteโthis time on a Gold account.
After a couple games I realized the soft, reserved lunch server was actually a wild carryโa ridiculously cool player.
In the second match, I got wiped by three enemies in the bottom lane. He lunged out from our jungle, jumped in with his Zane and single-handedly got a triple kill.
Even if it was just a Gold match, I was a newb and couldnโt help typing 666 like a maniac.
We turned on voice chat, but he hardly spoke, so I stayed quiet too.
When Iโd been killed in the bottom lane, I thought I heard a low, muffled curse in my earโโDamn!โโand then his Zane dashed in.
It was getting weirder. I started to wonder if he really did have a crush on me.
Why else would he bring me food, play games with me, and rush to avenge me when I was killed?
Of course, suspicion or not, I wasnโt going to ask outright.
We played until after eleven. Near the end of the last match, his voice came through the headset: โLetโs play tomorrow. Itโs lateโget some sleep.โ
He really had a nice voiceโlow, magnetic, with a hint of boyishness.
I cleared my throat. โAhโฆ okay. You get some sleep too.โ
Just that one sentence and my face was on fire.
It felt like the most intense flutter Iโd ever had.
โMm.โ He answered. We were pushing the enemyโs base then.
When the enemy crystal was about to fall, he added, โBy the way, Iโm Alex Hayes.โ
Alex Hayesโฆ that sounded pretty good.
I hurriedly replied, โIโm Emma Carter.โ
Before he could answer, the game ended. I donโt know if he heard me.
We said goodnight and logged off.
After brushing my teeth and getting into bed, I idly scrolled my feeds and spotted a post from Alex.
A photo of a pile of scattered billsโlooked oddly familiar.
The caption was just three words: Sell-my-body money.
Sell-my-body money?
Sell whose body? To whom?
I nervously left a comment: โ???โ Two minutes later I refreshed and the post was gone.
Had he blocked me? Or deleted it? Seriously, dating is hard.
I had imagined a sweet romance finally coming my way, but it was all twists and turnsโmy emotions were on a roller coaster. Old saying: think about someone day and night, and youโll dream of themโhow true.
I dreamed of Alex that night. In the dream he wore a black mask, stood at the cafeteria window swinging a big metal ladle, and smiled at me.
I ran over, blushing, handed him my tray, and watched as he scooped a whole heaping serving of braised potatoes and meatโno potatoes, all meatโinto my tray.
I stuck my hand through the window and theatrically pounded his chest. โStop it, I canโt eat that much meat!โ
He chuckled low. โItโs fine. Eat more. Iโll love you no matter how chubby you get.โ
Ugh. The dream reeked of romance. I pretended to feed him a piece of meat, and then woke up.
Of courseโit was a dream.
Maya and the others clattered about getting dressed. I hurried out of bed too. Our dorm was notorious for lazinessโthe whole floor moved at the same slow, last-minute pace. Few of us actually ate breakfast most of the semester.
I rushed downstairs, arm linked with Maya, when someone stopped meโAlex.
Masked in black, looking exactly like he had in my dream, he said good morning and handed me a small plastic bag.
Breakfast. Inside the clear bag were a stuffed egg pancake, a cup of soy milk, and a tea egg.
With Maya egging me on, I accepted it, pretending to be calm while my heart exploded.
Was thisโฆ a confession?
Not exactly the right timingโIโd thrown something on in a rush, no makeup, hair unwashed. Confessing with breakfast felt too casualโeven down-to-earth, like only a lunch server could manage.
While I was flustered, Alex explained, โI bought an extra. I figured you might skip breakfast.โ
He waved and added, โIโll go now. Bye.โ
And that was it?
I stood there blinking as he walked away.
I sniffed, unscrewed the soy milk, and took a sip. Life is full of ups and downsโbut thereโs also rebound.
After getting shut out a few times by the lunch server, my rebound moment arrived.
Maybe the sweet romance wasnโt mine yetโbut that one hundred bucks stolen by Bradley yesterday came back to me unexpectedly.
After lecture, on my way to the cafeteria, two guys blocked the doorway.
Maya and the others had left early for club activities, so I was standing there alone and flustered.
The leader was tall and skinny, hair a bit messy but with decent features. He wore shorts and flip-flops and jerked another guy by the collar, dragging him up to me.
โHey, were you ripped off for a hundred bucks?โ
I blinked, then hastily nodded.
The skinny guy gave the other kid a kick to the butt. โGive her the money back.โ
Reluctantly, the kid fished a crumpled hundred out of his pocket and handed it to me, grumbling, โShe was just dumbโฆโ
The tall guy kicked him again. โBeing dumb doesnโt give you the right to scam her.โ
???
Thanks for that.
If it werenโt for the hundred, I wouldโve turned and walked away.
The tall guy glanced at me and smiled, showing a row of white teeth. โYou owe me lunch for helping you get your money back.โ
I hesitated two seconds, then agreed, โOkay, Iโll buy you lunch in the cafeteria.โ
โDeal.โ He was enthusiastic, then shoved the other kid out, โYou can go eat by yourself. If I find out you scammed some girl againโโ
He raised a fist. The kid muttered and left.
Was this some kind of school drama?
He Loved Me in Secret
Before I could think more, the tall guy started hurrying off, calling over his shoulder, โHurry up, Iโm starving!โ
I followed.
For some reason, even though Iโd only planned a simple lunch, I made a point of avoiding Alexโs window. I walked in through the east cafeteria entrance with the tall guy and bought two bowls of noodle soup.
Just as I took a bite, I saw someone approaching and stop at our table.
I looked up slowlyโblack mask, and above it Alexโs neat, attractive brow and eyes.
My heart immediately went tight.
โYouโฆ why are you here?โ I stammered.
Alex didnโt answer at first. His gaze fell on the tall guy and then flicked back to me.
โI brought you lunch. Sit with me.โ
Only then did I notice he was carrying two plates too.
Somehow, after a beat of hesitation, he quietly sat down beside me.
His sudden closeness made my heart poundโthump thump.
Across from us, the tall, lanky guy clearly sensed something was off. He bit off a mouthful of noodles and asked slowly, "Classmate, this isโฆ?"
I hesitated. How was I supposed to introduce Alex Hayes?
Boyfriend?
Obviously not.
Future boyfriend?
Way too cheesy.
Friend?
But Alex and I were definitely in that ambiguous, flirting phase.
I hesitated for a few seconds and then quickly said, "Friend."
The tall guy seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.
He lowered his head to sip his soup, then pulled a slightly dazzling grin: "That's good. To be honestโฆ I want to be your boyfriend."
"Coughโฆ coughโฆ"
He said it just as I was drinking water. I nearly choked.
Someone patted my back gently, warm palm, soothing pressure.
I wiped the spit from the corner of my mouth and looked up. It was Alex.
He showed no expressionโno anger, no joyโnothing readable.
Worried he'd misunderstand, I hurried to explain, "We only just met. Just yesterday I was trickedโ"
"Classmate, actually you two didn't just meet."
My sentence was cut off by the tall guy.
I froze, then turned and stared at him in shock.
He scratched his head, looking a little embarrassed, but still reached out his hand to me confidently. "I'm Liam Ford. Actuallyโฆ I've had a crush on you for a long time. Turns out my younger dorm mate tricked you, so I came to get your money back."
I have to admit, it sounded like a scene from a teen dramaโexcept for that "younger dorm mate" line, which was oddly deflating.
It snapped me back to reality.
I swallowed and glanced at Alex instinctively, wanting to explain, but I couldn't find the words.
Then the three of us fell into an awkward silence.
Finally Alex broke it. He grabbed a piece of braised pork for me and said softly, "Eat. The food's getting cold."
I answered quickly and shoved the meat into my mouth.
This was the hardest meal I've ever had.
Luckily Alex had to go back to the window to work his shift. After eating quickly he left, which dissolved the tension between the three of us for the moment.
No sooner had he left than Liam suddenly asked, "Youโฆ like that guy, right?"
I froze.
When I came to, I wasn't going to hide it. I took a bite of my noodles and asked quietly, "Is it that obvious?"
Liam was silent for two seconds, then nodded. "At least your eyes gave it away."
He leaned closer and peered into my eyes. "When you looked at him just now, there was a light in your eyes."
Reallyโฆ?
I stayed silent, but couldn't stop replaying the scene in my head.
God only knows, when I looked up and saw Alex at the table wearing a black mask, it felt like I was struck by lightningโmy heart pounding wildly.
During the silence Liam suddenly laughed. "No worries. As long as you're single, I still have a chance."
So blunt. So obvious. I snapped my noodle in half and started to think of a polite refusalโonly to have my wrist grabbed.
It was Alex, who'd come back.
He gripped my hand, eyes lowered. The mask covered half his face so I couldn't read him.
"Finished?" he asked.
I nodded and used my free hand to wipe my mouth.
Seeing me nod, Alex pulled me toward the exit. "We're short-handed. Come help."
I hadn't even said yes before he dragged me away.
From behind us I heard Liam shout, "Hey, fair competition!"
Alex ignored him and kept pulling.
By then most students had finished eating and left the cafeteria. I stood stupidly by the serving window for a moment, then couldn't help tugging Alex's sleeve and whispering, "Are youโฆ jealous?"
He froze for a beat; his hand holding the ladle stiffened a little. Then he looked at me and smiled softly, "Do I need to be asked? Am I not obvious?"
Thump-thump.
Listenโmy heart was exploding.
Alex and I had taken another step closer. We weren't officially together, but I could almost be certain he liked me.
It was beautiful.
But that evening, when Alex and I queued up for ranked matches together, a small mishap happenedโฆ Maya, whoโs as new as I am at ranked, heard Alex would carry me and begged to join.
When I invited her, someone else suddenly went online and my finger mis-clicked the wrong invite.
The person who joined the room instantly wasโฆ Liam Ford.
I only found out at dinner that Liam had already added me on WeChat. Since he'd added me, it felt rude to delete him, so I changed his contact name.
Now, the three of us sat in the same party, awkwardly staring at each other.
After two seconds of silence I typed, "I invited the wrong person. Could youโฆ please leave for now?"
"No!"
Liam replied immediately. "The invite's already sent. Let's play. I jungleโI'm amazing, I can protect you!"
I declined a few times, but he was stubborn, refusing to take no for an answer. I couldn't shame him into letting us be, so we started the game.
Both of them locked jungle heroes immediately and confirmed.
Teammates started complaining: what, double jungle?
Neither of them spoke. One picked Zane, the other Luna. I sighed and quietly took mid lane with Jenna.
But the headaches weren't over. These two clearly had some private rivalryโeach took a jungle, and whenever I got ganked they'd both rush in to save me.
And their kill counts were neck-and-neck. If Luna scored a double kill, Zane would scramble for a triple. If Zane stole a tower, Luna would take a dragon.
They were completely at odds.
Near the end the scores were tied, but when the enemy base was about to be crushed, Alex's Zane suddenly leapt into the enemy fountain and one-shot a squishy.
A second later, the crystal fell. Game over.
Through my headset I heard Liam wail, "Damn!!"
I never expectedโbecause of LiamโI would end up targeted by school bullying.
A few months ago I joined the Photography Club out of a love for taking pictures, but I stuck out like a sore thumb.
Being ignored and pushed aside became normal.
Thankfully the club president, Claire Bennett, was a kindly senior who often brought us out to shoot. She knew so much and always did her best to teach us when we were lost.
Because of her I forced myself to stay in the club.
One girl in the club liked Liam and somehow found out he was pursuing me. So that afternoon during club activities, they acted friendly to me, lured me into the girls' bathroom, locked me in a stall, and dumped a basin of cold water over my head.
Late summer into early autumnโcold crept into my bones and I shivered twice.
Laughter erupted outside the stall. It seemed they'd added a makeshift lock to the door; I couldn't push it open from inside.
Just as I was about to call Maya for help, the bathroom door was kicked open with a heavy thud against the wall.
Outside, silence fell.
Then I heard Liam curse under his breath and hurriedly open the lock.
The stall door flew open.
There he stoodโLiam, frowningโand the cluster of girls who'd frozen, caught off guard.
Liam's eyes scanned me quickly. He shrugged off his jacket and tossed it over my shoulders without a word, pushing through the crowd and pulling me out.
I struggled but he held me tight. "Don't moveโyou're going to catch a cold."
The posture was oddly intimate, but with those girls watching, I didn't fight him.
Then life did something improbably dramatic.
As Liam walked me out of the bathroom, we turned the corner and ran straight into someone.
It was almost absurdly melodramatic.
That someone was Alex.
He paused when he saw me with Liam, then his gaze drifted down to the hand Liam had looped across my shoulders.
His brow creased slowly.
My heart lurched. I pushed Liam away and took off the jacket he had draped over me.
But it was too late. Alex gave me one long look and then walked away.
He'd never said a word the whole timeโyet it felt like he'd said so much.
My chest sank.
"Alex!" I called, but he kept walking.
Liam watched me for a long moment, picked up the jacket from the ground, sighed softly, and draped it over me again.
This time he kept some distance.
"Come onโI'll walk you back to your dorm," he offered.
I shook my head. "No, thanks. And thanks for getting me out of there. I'll wash your jacket and return it."
I gave him a small bow of thanks and hurried back to the dorm.
I had wanted to return the jacket right away, but it was inconvenient. My clothes were soaked and clingy; even my undergarment outlines were obvious. I had no choice but to wear his jacket back.
Unexpectedly, I saw Alex again beneath the dorm's trees.
He stood quietly in the shade, the black mask hiding his face and his head bowed, lost in thought.
I ran up to him. "Alexโฆ"
He looked up but his eyes immediately dropped to the jacket on my shoulders.
Panic flared. I yanked the jacket off, but the wet white shirt and the black bra underneath were obvious in my peripheral view. I blushed and wrapped the jacket around myself tighter.
Silence pressed down.
Just as I feared he'd storm off in hurt again, Alex took off his own jacket and put it over me, then snatched the jacket Liam had left on me away.
I froze for two seconds, my heart softening. I was about to explain, but Alex beat me to it. "I have another part-time shift. Gotta go."
With that, he started to leave.
He took one step, then stopped, turned back, and said quietly, "Remember to take a shower when you get back. Don't catch a cold."
"Okay."
I answered softly, wanting to explain. But looking at him now, he didn't seem like he wanted to hear it.
Alex nodded and walked away.
I watched his retreating figure in silence.
I wasn't in any state to stay out much longer, and somehow it felt like some things were easier to get honest about over WeChat.
When it comes to love, I can be slow and a little foolish, but I'm not stupid.
I could tell Alex liked me to some extent.
I pulled my coat tighter and went upstairs, making a quiet decision: when I messaged Alex tonight to explain, I'd take the chance and confess.
Yeah. That was the plan.
I took a hot shower, washed my hair, and changed. After blow-drying, I lay in bed, turning the message over in my mind.
I'm lousy with words and terrible at explanations. In the past I've often let things slideโif I'm misunderstood, I usually can't be bothered to clarify.
Just as I was fretting, the dorm door opened. My roommates, Daisy and Jenny, came back. Daisy looked surprised when she saw me. "Why are you still in the dorm?"
I blinked. "Where else would I be?"
Jenny jumped in, "Your crush and Maya are at the café by the back gate. You're really staying put?"
Alex and Mayaโฆ getting coffee?
I froze.
I fumbled for Alexโs WeChat. I typed a question, deleted it, typed again. Suddenly I realized I didn't even have the right to accuse him.
After hesitating, I finally sent: Are you with Maya?
His reply came fastโone word: Yep.
Just that.
I stared at that "Yep" until it itched under my skin.
For reasons I couldn't explain, a thought popped into my head: was Alex actually approaching me because of Maya?
Maybe he knew I was Maya's roommate and wanted to get my attention that way. Maya seemed to be threaded through every interaction between Alex and me.
If I didn't go to the cafeteria, Alex would find Maya, buy two bowls of noodles, and have her bring one up for meโone for me, one for Maya.
And actually, everyone in our dorm had noticed that Alex always piled up my plate and gave Maya hardly any. My roommates used to joke that the lunch server must be secretly crushing on me and didn't like Maya.
I'm stubborn in a weird wayโmild-mannered on the surface but relentless when my mind latches onto something. Sometimes a stray suspicion grabs hold and I can't let it go.
Like right now.
Even though I knew it was probably all in my head, I kept scouring my memory for every moment Alex and Maya had been together.
The more I thought, the clearer the suspicion became.
Finally I couldn't hold it in: Soโฆ you were trying to get close to me because of Maya, right?
There was a long silence on the other end.
Just when I felt like I was going to break, Alex finally messaged: What about you? Aren't you getting closer to Liam?
Seeing that, for some reason the explanations that had been crowding my throat choked off, my fingers hovering over the screen, unable to type.
The conversation ended on a sour note.
I curled up under the covers, yanked the blanket over my head, and sulked. I realized maybe dating just wasn't for me.
I finally met someone I liked, and everything went wrong.
Maybe sweet romance is only for girls who are naturally sweet.
When I had worked myself into a sweaty mess, I threw back the covers and took a breath.
Before I could calm down, a thunderous shout came from outside the window:
"Emma Carter!"
I jolted, scrambling out of bed.
That voice sounded likeโฆ Liam.
Daisy and Jenny swarmed to the window, leaned out, and waved me over. "Emma, come quick!!"
My head hurt. What was Liam up to now?
I shuffled to the window in slippers and peered downโand froze.
Roses. Candles.
Like those viral videos I'd seen a hundred times, the flowers and candles were arranged into a massive heart. Liam stood in the middle with a guitar strapped to his back, like he was about to sing.
I rubbed my forehead. Our dorm was on the second floor; whatever I did, Liam could see it clearly.
He tipped his head up to me with melodramatic flair, hands framing his face, shouting, "Emma Carter, come down!"
A chorus of cheers rose up.
Honestly, Liam's confession antics were exhausting. I'd already told him, in plain and subtle ways, that I didn't feel the same. But he was relentlessโlike a steamroller.
The crowd below only grew. I didn't even have time to change, so I ran down in my pajamas, Daisy and Jenny trailing behind.
Sure enough, a crowd had gathered. Liam had already started singing a love song.
To be fair, Liam wasn't a bad-looking guyโhe just dressed and acted carelessly most days. If he put in some effort, he could be a real catch. But attraction doesn't always work that way.
If the person kneeled among roses and candles had been Alex, my heart would have raced and I would have embarrassed myself running down to say yes. But with Liam, I couldn't feel it.
I hurried over and lowered my voice. "Liam, what are you doing?"
He paused mid-song and winked. "Confessing, of course!"
I knew that. What I didn't understand was why he picked tonightโafter everything that had happenedโto make such a scene.
Liam didn't answer. He just smiled and started strumming his guitar again.
He could sing. He looked good playing, and the girls around were cooing and praising him. Some even whispered that it was a shame a guy like him was confessing to me.
I was about to tell him to leave while the uproar was still manageable when I noticed two people at the front of the crowd: Alexโฆand Maya.
Alex was looking at me. Our eyes met for a moment, then he casually looked away.
My chest tightened; a sour feeling rose in my throat.
Liam finished his song and took a bunch of flowers from one of his friends, offering them to me. "Emma Carter, let's be together."
A roar went up from the crowd. His friends bellowed the words "be together" like a chant.
I frowned, but couldn't bring myself to publicly humiliate him. I leaned in and said quietly, just for him, "Stop. You know I won't agree. The crowd will only get bigger."
Liam refused to back down, stubborn as ever, staring at me. He spoke softlyโno one else could hear over the noise.
"Emma, I'd rather be rejected and laughed at by the whole school than keep this to myself. I want everyone to know I like you. I've liked you for a long time. Hiding it is boringโI want it loud this time."
He paused, then added, "I know you like Alex, but believe meโif you give me time, I can change for you. I can be everything you want. I'll love you more and take care of you."
I watched him, brow furrowed. His sincerity threw me off balance.
After a few seconds I answered, quietly, "Liam, if someone likes you, you don't have to change. You don't have to become someone else."
He looked taken aback, then quickly turned his face away. "I don't get it."
He didn't lower his hands with the flowers; if anything, he held them higher.
With so many people watching, there was no choice but to be gentle. "I'm sorry," I said softly.
Whether Alex and I would end up together or not, I couldn't drag Liam into it. I knew I didn'tโand probably never wouldโfeel the same way.
I can be awkward and stubborn about feelings. Otherwise I wouldn't have been single so long.
My apology was barely audible in the crowd, but Liam heard it. The light in his eyes dimmed.
He forced a smile and, in a low voice, added, "At least take the flowers. I'm embarrassed enough with everyone watching."
My resolve softened. I took the flowers. I didn't mean to add to his humiliation; I just wanted to refuse him without making a scene.
But others misread the moment. They couldn't hear our quiet exchange; when they saw me accept the flowers, they assumed I'd said yes. The crowd erupted in cheers.
The scene spiraled out of control. Holding the bouquet felt like wearing a sign that said "accepted."
When I turned, Alex was gone. Maya had gone too.
They'd arrived togetherโand left together.
A sudden wave of disappointment washed over me. Maybe Alex and I were truly over. This sweet romance I'd imagined might have been crushed before it even beganโby Liam's spectacle.
Sure enough, from that night on, Alex and I never had another conversation.
I hesitated many times, but I held back. After all, I wasn't sure how to explain what had happened when I'd taken flowers in front of him. More importantly, I didn't even feel like I had the right to explain. Seeing him and Maya together, the two of them side by side, felt like a knife.
Maya, on the other hand, kept trying to talk to me for the next few days, insisting there was nothing going on between her and Alexโthat everything was innocent.
And he said that day he asked me to meet him at the café was only to ask about you.
But I didn't really believe it.
Or rather, I felt like believing him wouldn't change anything. I could trust that he and Maya were completely innocentโbut could he trust that Liam and I were nothing?
Judging by his expression, probably not.
After holding it in for two days, I finally couldn't take it anymore. On Saturday night I bought a bunch of beer and carried it back to the dorm, dragged everyone into a drinking binge without asking.
By the end of it, I was clinging to Maya and sobbing.
"Maya, do you think Alex actually likes me?" I cried.
Maya rubbed her brow. "He likes you. Trust meโhe really likes you."
I looked up, tear-blurred, and said, "I don't believe itโฆ"
Maya was at her wit's end.
She yanked me from her lap, pinched her brow so tight it made her look scolding, and every word was sharp, no reservations, "Can you be any more stubborn? You don't trust this one, you don't dare trust that one. You two are a pairโevery little misunderstanding turns into this drama. I'm stuck in the middle saying things and you don't listen."
She took a breath. "Both of you are so twistedโjust be together and stop ruining people!"
Her long speech left me dazed. I stared at her for a long beat, then hiccuped a drunken sob.
Maya couldn't stand it any longer. She grabbed me and stormed out of the dorm.
I was tipsy and wobbling, stumbling behind her until we reached the boys' dorm building.
Maya pulled my phone from my pocket and put in a WeChat call to Alex.
Through the blur of my drunken eyes, seeing Alex's name made some of the alcohol evaporate.
Before I could grab the phone back, Alex answered.
"Hello."
Maya put it on speaker. Alex's slightly deep voice came through the phone.
My nerves tightened so much I couldn't speak a single word.
Maya shot me a "why are you so hopeless" look, then said into the phone, "It's me. Emma's drunkโshe's downstairs at your dorm. Hurry down!"
Then she hung up.
She dialed Liam next on my phone.
Liam ran out first.
He came up fast, frowned, "Emma, are you drunk?"
I was dizzy and couldn't answer when Maya slapped his shoulder and snapped, "If it weren't for you, would she be like this?"
Liam looked stunned. No wonderโthese two had never really interacted. He was probably taken aback by Maya's slap.
Maya glared at him. "Is this your idea of liking someone? Watching her have misunderstandings with Alex, watching her eat just two bowls of congee a day and lose six pounds in three days, watching her get plastered and then fall apart?"
Liam froze for a couple seconds, then looked at me, suddenly silent.
He said nothing, only pinched the bridge of his nose.
Maya kept going; I was so woozy I couldn't catch most of it. When I felt a little better and looked up at the two of them, I happened to hear Liam say, "And youโdon't act like you're the saint. Weren't you cozy as can be with Alex at that café the other day?"
Maya paused, then lunged, yanking Liam by the collar, shoving him forward. "Cozy? He's my brother!"
Both Liam and I were stunned.
Especially me.
I stood there a moment, then swayed over and grabbed Maya's wrist. "Alexโฆ is he your brother?"
Maya shook her head, then looked up at me. "What's my name?"
"Emmaโฆ Carter…" I answered slowly.
That "Emma" characterโIโd felt it was fate between us since freshman year when we shared a dorm. It had always been part of our connection.
Of courseโshe and Alex share the same surname, but we'd never suspected anything.
Mostly because Maya had a rep as a rich, pretty girl, and Alex worked part-time in the cafeteria; he dressed modestly and didn't fit the typical "tall, handsome, rich" image at all.
I stood there stunned, then my fingers tightened on her wrist. "Why didn't you say anything earlier?"
Maya licked her lips, shifted her gaze, and suddenly pointed to the side. "Ask him. He wouldn't let me tell."
Following her finger, I saw Alex walking down.
When he came down the stairs, Maya breathed out and hurried over, dragging Liam along.
They'd only walked a few steps when Liam suddenly broke free and ran back.
"Emma."
He called softly, frowning. "I'm sorryโmy confession that dayโฆ did it cause you trouble?"
His apology was unexpected. I froze.
Liam glanced at me, voice low. "Thereโs one more thingโฆ"
He took a breath and said in a hushed tone, "My feelings were selfish. You never asked why I was able to get to the girls' restroom so quickly that day. It's because I overheard them planning to prank you. I didn't stop them on the spotโI waited until they started so I could make a dramatic rescue. I wanted to appear as a hero so you'd like me. Even Alex appearing there was planned by meโI arranged for a classmate to be there at that time."
"Andโ"
"I've been reflecting these past few days. I liked your goofy, earnest side, but I took advantage of it. That night I confessed with Alex watching because I wanted you to accept. I made a scene to make everyone misunderstand."
Liam kept his eyes down, voice low; it seemed he really had been thinking. He scratched his head, regret in his tone.
"That tomboy said itโif I get to be with you but make you miserable every day, is that real love?"
No sooner had he said that than Maya spat, "Please. You're the tomboy!"
She walked over and dragged Liam away again. "Are you done? If so, go give the newlyweds some space!"
I turned in a daze and watched Maya pinch at Liamโs arm and tease, "Big build like that and still a schemer."
By the overhead light I thought I saw Maya's ears flush when she pinched his muscleโmaybe it was just my imagination. When I blinked, they were gone.
"Emma."
Alex's voice drifted down, very soft.
Suddenly, the fog of alcohol cleared.
Facing Alex alone, my nerves fluttered. I swallowed and met his eyes.
My heart thudded hard in my chest.
He looked at me quietly. "I'm sorry."
He drew his brow together. "It's late, but I'll answer the question you first asked me."
I blinked, only then realizing what he meant.
He said softly, "You're right. I had a crush on you."
He smiled and took my wrist gently, leading me to an empty set of stairs to sit. He even took off his jacket and put it under me.
He didn't let go of my hand.
"I never confessed because of who I am. I like to take things slowly. I wanted you to get to know me, to grow used to me, and then us naturally be together. Before I knew what you were feeling, I was afraid a rash confession would trouble you."
His voice was quiet and as gentle as ever. "I want our time together to be beautiful. I don't want to make things hard for you, and I don't want to be like those classmates who start something impulsively and end it just as quickly."
"Butโ"
He turned to me and squeezed my hand a little. "I don't have much experience in relationships. I thought of everything, except that waiting too long to confess could let things change. I almost missed my chance with you."
He said a lot, but to be honest, I heard only one thingโ"I had a crush on you."
When he finished, I pulled my hands from his and covered my face, voice muffled. "Alex, I've liked you for a long time too."
I had indeed liked him for a long time.
From the first day he started working part-time in the cafeteria, I noticed the new guyโtall and lean, always in a black mask, delicate features, a gentle voice.
I had always been so fond of gentle people.
So when Alex ladled a big spoonful of braised pork onto my plate that first day, I secretly fell for him.
Pulled back from memory, something felt strangeโฆ Night had fallen, lights were dim, and Alex's fingers tightened around my wrist as he slowly leaned closer.
I held my breath, afraid my breath would smell of alcohol.
His face hovered just inches from mine before he smiled. "Emma, may I kiss you?"
What a question.
Too shy to answer with words, I answered with actionโslowly closing my eyes. A warm touch met my lips.
Alex loosened his grip a little and intertwined our fingers. His lips moved gently; with his other hand he pinched my cheek and murmured, "After liking you for so long, we're finally together."
Those were my own thoughts exactlyโfinally together.
Finally.
A sweet romance had come around to me at last.
Epilogue: Alex and I really did get together.
Only when we officially started dating did I learn this wasnโt a one-sided crush.
It turned out to be our little mutual-crush love story.
According to Alex, he'd liked me even longer than Iโd liked him.
Before he even started in the cafeteria, he'd seen meโmore than onceโaround campus: in the dining hall, the library, the campus store.
I had hardly noticed him at all.
On this point, Alex refused to admit it was a lack of charm on his part. According to him, the reason I didn't notice him wasโevery time we met, I buried my head and ate.
Of course I wouldn't notice anyone around me.
On that, I stayed silent to show my agreement.
I had to admit, before I met Alex, most of my happiness was tied up with food.
It was only the second day we were together when he ruffled my hair and told me the truth: the real reason he took a part-time job in the cafeteria was because of me.
He chose that particular serving window because of me, too.
He said heโd started having a crush on a girl last semester. She wasnโt thin, but she wasnโt fat eitherโmaybe a little chubby, with a tiny baby face. Every time he saw her on campus, she was always eating.
He saidโฆ
That girl was a little airheadedโevery time he looked at her, it felt like watching an old-school romance drama. In the cafeteria, heโd sweep his eyes around on purpose, pick a table near her, and every time he watched her he felt hungrier.
But.
Sometimes he noticed sheโd complain that the auntie at that window shook too much when serving, so there wasnโt enough food for her.
A few times he saw her sigh mid-meal, stop eating, pinch the little bit of fat on her belly, talk about dieting, then swallow hard while watching her roommates eat.
One night he ran into her at dinner again and found she was so hungry sheโd taken two trays. She sat in a corner holding both containers and ate like the world was ending.
Because of his familyโs way of raising him, Alex hadnโt asked his parents for allowance since college. He liked doing social work and part-time jobs when he had free time.
Because of that, his family didnโt want him to publicize his relationship with Maya at schoolโher family spoiled her, and her every need was taken care of. Her โrich and prettyโ reputation was well-known.
Alex was naturally low-key, busy with school and work, so the two of them didnโt interact much on campus.
Even going home during breaks was different: Alex took the subway and bus by himself; Maya had a luxury car pick her up.
To make sure that silly girl had enough to eatโand to stop her from dietingโhe chose to work in the cafeteria and picked the window she liked the most.
After hearing that sweet little story, I looked down at the small roll of flesh on my waist, pinched it, then looked up at him, puzzled.
โSoโฆwhy donโt you want me to lose weight?โ
Isnโt thinner supposed to be prettier?
His gaze followed my hand; he smiled softly and mimicked me, lightly pinching my โlove handle.โ
โI like it being a little soft. It feels goodโand itโs cute.โ
I pushed his hand away and, on impulse, poked his cheek. โWhat if I get fat because you feed me?โ
Alex wasnโt about to be outdoneโhe covered my face with both hands and squeezed. โA little fatter, Iโll like you a little more. Twice as fat, Iโll like you twice as much.โ
Tsk tsk.
โAlex, youโve turned sentimental.โ
He laughed softly and took my hand. โA whole semester of feeding youโcanโt I be a little sentimental?โ
โNo.โ I shook my head, then, while he wasnโt looking, I leaned forward and kissed the corner of his mouth.
โLess sentiment, more action, okay?โ
Alex froze for two seconds, then laughed. His palm slid to the back of my head, and he kissed me the way Iโd just kissed him.
Late summer slipping into early fallโthe air itself tasted sweet.
How wonderful.
My sweet, sweet romance had finally come around to me.