The princes were getting older and bolder, cozying up to ministers, and the ministers started picking sides behind closed doors.
Originally, the Chancellor’s House stood above the frayโonly loyal to the emperor.
When the emperor was young he and my father had been close; because of that, when I was born I was granted the title Lady Annin and a small parcel of land.
That was a privilege ordinary official daughters could only dream of.
But in my last life I was stupid. I let myself be dazzled by the third princeโs looks and insistedโdesperatelyโthat I would marry him.
I ignored that my father never took sides, and I underestimated how sharp and cunning Prince Alexander really was.
I got the marriage I’d insisted on. As expected, I never won his love. I grew jealous of Hazel Brooks and did one terrible thing after another.
In the end I betrayed my country for my own selfishnessโalmost causing a catastropheโand I destroyed the Chancellor’s House.
I watched my father, the man who had always doted on me, kneel ragged and filthy on the execution platform, his clothes in tatters, while bewildered townspeople threw rotten vegetables at him. I lost my mind.
I rushed up to grab the execution knife and, in the panic, I accidentally…stuck it into myself.
When I woke up, I was fourteen again.
2.
At that moment, Prince Alexander was petitioning the emperor to call off the engagement.
The old me would never have let that happen.
I would have wept, thrown tantrums, even tried to hang myselfโanything to stop it. My father, a hopeless doting man, had mimicked my behavior and gone to the emperor to plead in my stead.
The emperor had a headache and told the prince to go prepare the wedding instead.
But nowโ
“Tuan Tuan,” Dad said, using my childhood nickname. “I told you that third prince wasn’t right for you. Look… let’s not go through with this marriage, all right?”
Lord Chancellor came bustling into my room the moment he heard. He was nearly forty, calm and scholarly, radiating mature masculinity.
That was when he wasn’t wearing an ingratiating smile.
Yesterday, his daughter had woken up and clung to him, sobbing as if she’d suffered some terrible injustice. He still had no idea why. Seeing her like that had broken his heart.
He might be strict and unsmiling in public, but his daughter was his treasure. With his wife gone so young, he’d been both mother and father to me, spoiling me outrageously. He’d never seen me cry like that.
Thinking I might break down again made him miserable. He asked cautiously.
I felt a pang of sadness and set down the warm jug of milk in my hands.
“Daddy, you look like one of those men who lure children away when you smile like that. It’s a little scary.”
Lord Chancellorโs face fellโnot because I mocked him, but because I actually joked with him. By his understanding of me, I should be frantic, clutching his sleeve and bawling my eyes out. This calmness was abnormal.
โUhโฆTuan Tuan, did you hear what I said?โ
I nodded and smiled. โYes. The third prince wants to call it off? Fineโlet him.โ
He touched my forehead, then his own, murmuring, โNo fever.โ
I looked at him and remembered his gaunt figure on the scaffold. My mouth trembled. Swallowing the ache, I said, “Actually, I’ve decided Prince Alexander is quite ugly. Let him call it off.”
Lord Chancellor: Huh?
Prince Alexander was supposed to be the most handsome man in the Capital.
3.
In a tasteful chamber, a man in a blue silk robe embroidered with silver lotus sat straight-backed at a writing table, practicing calligraphy.
His calligraphy was disciplined yet somehow unruly, every stroke full of force.
From a gilded dragon censer, rosewood incense curled up and softened the room with serenity.
โYour Highness, Miss Bennett has agreed to annul the engagement.โ
At this, his brush drew back. The character had taken shape, every line the work of a master.
His eyes were narrow, nose high, lips thinโequal parts passionate and indifferent, with an altogether upright bearing. That contradiction made him irresistible.
โHow odd.โ
He finished the final stroke, then looked up at his attendant. “So Claire Bennett has come to her senses? What exactly did she say?”
Prince Alexander was a little surprised. Miss Bennett had clung to him since their first meetingโfor five years sheโd chased him so relentlessly he was almost haunted. For her to suddenly give up was astonishing.
The secret guard weighed his words. “Miss Bennett said… she said Your Highness is ugly.”
He left out the word “quite.”
Prince Alexander: โโฆโฆโ
4.
Miss Bennettโs voluntary annulment of her engagement to Prince Alexander rocked the Capitalโs elite!
Claire Bennett became the cautionary tale for society ladies everywhere.
Scorn and curiosity mingled. Invitations to view flowers and attend banquets poured into the Chancellor’s House like a tide.
I was sprawled on a soft divan, eating a frozen sweet beside the brazier. I meant to decline every invitation, until one arrived from Lady Madeline herself.
Of course they were bored and wanted to mock me, but one must maintain face for the future sister-in-law.
Ughโthis was such a headache. The date was tomorrow.
I was comfortable and didnโt want to go out, but I lacked hairpins to match my new dressโฆsighโ
5.
After half an hour, Lily and June finally dragged my half-comatose self up to dress and primp me.
I wore a flowing red gown with gold-stitched plum blossoms and a plain red cloak trimmed with white fox furโwarm and elegant.
I pulled my hair into a simple down-style and tucked in a pomegranate hairpin. Tiny ruby tassels brushed my cheek and made my face look smaller.
I checked myself in the mirror, satisfied, and stepped out with Lily and Maya.
In my last life, Prince Alexander had liked strolling through the markets with Hazel Brooks. I’d found the streets dirty and chaotic, and jealousy had kept my eyes fixed on the two of them. This time, I decided to walk to The Jewel Box and enjoy the street for its own sake.
Of course, fate had other plans. I stepped outside and found a brash man harassing a poor girl whoโd sold herself to bury her father.
โOyโlittle thing, come here, lemme take a lookโโ
โSir, please donโt touch me!โ
Her voice was firm but soft, a little husky, and oddly affecting. It made my scalp prickle. No way. Wasn’t that Hazel Brooks?
Why was she selling herself to bury her father?
6.
I knew the man: Samuel Whitaker, the Marquis’s heir.
A dashing rake, but actually a big oaf.
He had a reputation for collecting pretty thingsโhad he set his sights on Hazel and wanted to โcollectโ her?
Lookโhe had the nerve to lay hands on her.
He was already tugging at her sleeve, babbling, โYou say youโre selling yourself to bury your father? Iโll buy you. Iโll pay you and take you home. Iโll dress you up every day and make you beautiful!โ
Hazel struggled, biting her lip so hard it looked ready to split. Her face was pale, and tears shone in her wide eyes. She looked close to crying.
And actually kind of pretty.
Ugh! I wasnโt thinking she was pretty! I only felt guilty for the harm Iโd done her in that last lifeโฆyes, thatโs it!
Hmphโthinking that, I kicked Samuel Whitaker away. Heโd once been my fatherโs apprentice for two years, so I didnโt fear him. โYouโre no better than a pervert. The girl would never go with someone like you!โ
He stumbled back, stunned, ready to lash outโbut then froze when he saw the defiant little girl in front of him. He took a step forward, then retreated like she was a dangerous enemy.
โWhy are you everywhere I go, Claire Bennett? Ugh! Always tattling!โ
I narrowed my eyes. He probably remembered bullying me as a child, and Dad taking me to his house to complain. The beating that followed had kept him in bed for three days. He fled with his servants, shouting, “You’ll get what’s coming to you!”
Trash.
Hazel looked from the fleeing Samuel to me, considered the silver in her hand, and abruptly knelt.
โThank you, miss, for redeeming me. From now on, I belong to you!โ
I was stunned. โThat silverโwasnโt that his?!โ
Hazel was solemn. โIf a bad man gives the money, and a kind miss drives away the bad man, then itโs as if the kind miss gave it.โ
That worked???
7.
Me: Claire Bennettโdaughter of the Chancellor, Lady Anninโreborn for only a couple days, and my former rival had just become my free handmaiden. Sheโd be reporting for duty tomorrow.
Her silver-tongued explanation left me speechless. I watched her walk away and stood there thinking.
In my last life, Hazel had been the daughter of the Secretary of Revenues. How had she ended up selling herself to bury her father?
Had my rebirth somehow gone wrong?
Or had she met Prince Alexander while she was selling herself?
In my previous life I was at home happily embroidering a bridal veil at this very hour, so I wasnโt out on the street. That would mean the prince must have been nearby.
I looked aroundโno one. When I turned my head up, I saw Prince Alexander leaning over a tavern balcony, drinking. His narrow eyes landed on me.
Ughโkarma works fast.
No big deal, heโs far away, he canโt see clearly.
Maybe he wasnโt even looking at me!
I covered my face and fled without looking back.
Lily and Maya chased after me, bewildered, yelling, โMissโ!!!โ
The whole street could hear them! How was I supposed to handle this? I’d taken the woman my husband from my last life loved, right in front of him, and made her my maid.
Panic swelledโwhat have I done?
Why did I even go out?
Ah!!!
Prince Alexander watched the flustered retreating figure and the corner of his mouth lifted.
This panicked little act was cuter than the usual fake-genteel routine.
8.
I sprinted to The Jewel Box and checked behind me. Goodโno tail.
Silly to think Prince Alexander would chase after me. I nearly cried at how foolish I was.
Where had I found the confidence to be so stupid and vicious in my last life?
I remembered all the poisonings and schemes Iโd used last time. Maybe Iโd already been exposed. Before any treason, Prince Alexander had been unusually lenient with me. Sighโthis life, Iโd keep my distance.
The Jewel Box was the largest jewelry shop in the capital, backed by the kingdom’s most powerful supplier to the imperial court. Its pieces were beautifully made and expensive. Even the cheapest ring would be a prestigious addition to an ordinary family’s dowry.
No wonder nobility and official daughters loved the place.
Lily and Maya accompanied me up to the third floor. Luckily it was cold and quiet; I didnโt want to run into acquaintances.
โAhโif it isnโt Lady Anninโโ
Ugh, so annoying.
I stiffened and looked up to the fourth floor. A woman in a peach silk skirt descended the stairs, one step at a time. Her limited-edition golden phoenix hairpin with a catโs-eye gemstone flashed prismatic light.
Her maid supported her, taking care not to knock the bracelets stacked on her wrist or the long jeweled nail guards on her fingers.
Lady Madeline, of course.
I bowed, forced a smile, and she gave me a once-over before asking, โSo itโs true? You called it off?โ
โYouโve got guts now,โ she added with a grin.
I put on a solemn face. “I’ve accepted it. You can’t force love.”
Madeline Clarke looked down at the rosy-cheeked girl half a head shorter than her and laughed. “Why are you pretending to be so serious?”
She glanced past me. “If even Prince Alexander isn’t good enough, who in the whole kingdom could possibly be better?”
I missed the change in her tone. After a moment, I said, “I’ve realized I prefer someone like my older brother. Prince Alexander looks far too delicate, as if he’s always ill.”
I said this with a perfectly straight face, conveniently forgetting that Alexander had beaten my older brother in a fight when he was thirteen.
Madeline burst out laughing, almost in tears. Her carefully polished image of aristocratic elegance vanished in an instant.
I took two steps back in disgust. โWatch your image. If someone sees you like that and thinks youโve lost your mind, Iโm not helping you.โ
Lily poked me; I ignored her and shrugged.
Madeline couldnโt stop laughing. She didnโt answer, and one of her maids, very tactfully, helped her back up to the fourth floor.
She was still laughing as she climbed. โHahaha.โ
I was livid. God, that idiotโs going to be my sister-in-law?
How was I supposed to live with that?
9.
“So I’m sickly, am I?”
A familiar voice spoke behind meโpleasant, with a trace of threat.
My knees almost went weak; I nearly fell forward.
Fine. The idiot was me.
I stared at the long staircase to the fourth floor and swallowed. That staircase wasnโt stairsโit was a lifeline.
I bolted, but before I’d taken a full step, someone caught the back of my neck and turned me around. Suddenly I was looking straight into a pair of long, narrow eyes.
โHehโฆ heh hehโฆ what a coincidence, P-Prince Alexander,โ I stammered.
I hated being short in that moment. Standing before a man a head taller than me, I felt like crying.
First I stole his woman, then he caught me gossiping about himโI suddenly didnโt want to be reborn at all.
Maybe death was better than dying of embarrassment.
โYou annulled our engagement, and now you spread rumors about me?
Trying to make sure I never marry?
Hm?โ
He said it in the gentlest tone imaginable, the kind that turned me into a quivering quail. I wanted to argue that heโd heard wrong, but thenโ
โYou were the one who wanted the annulment! Not me!โ
Alexander looked at the slightly chubby, pink-cheeked face in front of himโthe big round eyes glaring like a disgruntled pup newly arrived from far-off lands, the little mouth pursed in a pout.
He could see I was furious and smiled softer. โBut the Emperor said it was you who called it offโโ
I: #๏ฟฅโฆ&&*
Okay, that was my father, the Lord Chancellor, saving my reputation by telling the Emperor that, even though Iโd already pretty much lost any reputation I had.
I knocked his hand away from the back of my neck. “Whoever asked for it, it’s settled. Please show some respect, Your Highness. From now on, we’ll each marry whom we choose and find our own happiness.”
Alexanderโs eyes dimmed. He still smiled, but after nearly five years of dealing with him, I could tellโhe was angry.
Why, though?
So strange.
I lost interest in picking a hairpin. I grabbed the first pretty one and paid for it. Grief, indignation, and anger churned inside me.
Itโs just so weirdโheโs the one who doesnโt want me, heโs the one who doesnโt like me, so why does he act like heโs somehow interested? Gross.
10.
I stormed back to Bennett Manor, dreading the next day’s visit to the Clarke residence, where ladies from every family would question me about the broken engagement all over again.
Alexanderโs face kept playing in my head. Why was he angry?
I am angry!
From our first meeting when I was nine, through my fifteenth year, and all the way to my death in the fourth year of our marriage, he’d always smiled gently without ever taking the initiative.
It made me think I had a chance. So I clung to him recklessly, and he never pushed me away.
He hadn’t objected when the Emperor decreed our marriage. Then, on the day of my coming-of-age ceremony, he’d changed his mind. What kind of behavior was that?
What a bastard.
He’d married Hazel just six months after marrying me!
He’d known I was doing terrible things for him and never stopped me or warned me. What if he’d even arranged for the enemy to approach me, just so he could get me out of the way?
I pictured Alexander worse and worse while thinking through everything from my last life, and finally I cried myself asleep.
A curtain stirred. A figure entered the room. He stared at the small woman on the bed, saw the tear-stained pillow, and gently touched her slightly swollen eyes.
He muttered to himself, โSo stupid. Stupid and blind.โ
11.
โHuh?โ
I woke expecting swollen, walnut-sized eyes. Miraculously, there was no swellingโperfect. Lily had done my hair in an intricate knot that looked both ethereal and cute; it suited me.
Maya had picked my outfit: a plum-colored gown sweeping the floor with plum-flower makeup. I looked gentle with a touch of coy charm.
When I stuck in the hairpin Iโd bought yesterdayโฆ it felt wrong. This wasnโt the pin Iโd paid for.
โWhatโs wrong, miss?โ Maya asked.
I studied the hairpin. A swallowtail butterfly perched on it, its wings able to tremble as if it might fly away. Tiny colored gems streamed from its tail like a trail of light. This couldn’t be the butterfly pin I’d bought for fifty taels. It looked worth at least five hundred. What a bargain.
Maybe a loss can turn out to be a gainโyay. I climbed into the carriage in high spirits, munching a pastry.
Iโd already decided to give up on Alexander, and now I was even more certain.
My family was uncomplicated. My brother doted on me, Dad indulged me, and I’d grown up thoroughly spoiled. I could manage a household. Scheming against other women for a man’s affection was another matter.
Whatever had happened in my last life, whatever he’d been thinking, I no longer wanted to dwell on it. This time, I would be myself, find a husband who cherished me, visit Dad often, and live in peace.
12.
โHey? Is Claire Bennett coming today?โ
โNo idea. She probably doesnโt have the face to show,โ someone tittered. โShe kept pestering him, and then she got her engagement annulled.โ
โWasnโt it her who asked for it?โ
โNot at allโPrince Alexander proposed it, but the Emperor is being considerate for the Chancellorโs sake, soโฆ.โ
The women at the banquet chatted about the hottest gossip in townโwhich, inconveniently for me, was meโwith most voices laced with schadenfreude.
Prince Alexander had a strong chance at the throne. Countless official familiesโ daughters adored him. And Iโd been monopolizing his attention, so now they finally had a shot.
I stood at the doorway, listening, looking down. June watched me, worried.
Sighโfame brings trouble. I stepped inside. A footman announced loudly, โMiss Bennett of the Chancellorโs Houseโโ and the hall fell silent for a beat.
Everyone stared as I entered. I wore a composed smile and took my place with proper protocol.
Madeline sat at the head, her eyes wickedly gleeful. I stuck my tongue out at her subtly.
The Minister of War’s second daughter leaned toward me. “You called off the engagement!”
I nodded. โYes. So?โ
She clucked in wonder, then retreated.
โProbably Prince Alexander got disgusted since she was so forwardโโ A clipped voice carried malicious laughter that set others snickering.
I looked over. Evelyn Price, the Minister of Revenue’s eldest daughter by his principal wife. Of course.
13.
Evelyn was hailed as the capital’s most accomplished young lady, and she was fiercely proud of it. We’d once been rivals for the title. After I fell for Alexander, I stopped bothering to compete.
Then she started spreading rumorsโsaying I threw myself at him, that I was shameless and clinging, that he hated me.
Okay, yesโ Iโd been clingy.
But he didnโt hate me, alright?
Reborn Rich: Revenge, Romance, Repeat
She’d done plenty to ruin my reputation. Until now, I’d always acted meek and well-behaved in public because I thought Alexander might dislike outspoken women. But there was no reason to keep pretending.
When she sneered, I shot back, “Yes, chasing a man is so beneath us. How admirable of you to slip Prince Marcus a scented sachet at the Qixi Festival.”
Her face flushed. She hadnโt expected me to know. Put to shame, she leapt up. โClaire Bennett, youโre shamelessโand you lie about me! When did I ever give Prince Marcus a sachet?โ
I munched my plum cake and looked at her coolly, not even bothering to reason. The girls whoโd been her friends shifted and started whispering, wearing looks of disdain.
What fragile friendships.
Madeline had enjoyed enough of the spectacle. “All right, all right. We’re all friends here. Look at those red plum blossoms. Let’s enjoy the flowers.”
The other ladies quickly calmed Evelyn. She shot me a hateful look as she sat.
I looked at the plum blossoms and felt weary.
I really didnโt like this atmosphere.
14.
Madeline saw my distracted face and dragged me into her room to gossip. โWhatโs wrong with you?โ
Only the two of us, so no need for pretense. I slumped into a chair. โBoring.โ
She frowned. โBoring? You loved these parties before!โ
I thought for a second. โMaybe Iโm different now. Iโve come of age.โ
Madeline: โโฆyouโre getting weirder. But fine. Iโve always said Alexander doesnโt like you; stop pining after him.โ
I nodded as she spoke. After a pause she said, โIโve got a few new little maids who can do tricks. Want one to play with?โ
I looked up at her bright smile and nodded.
She called, and a girl came inโround-faced, lively. In my previous life, Madeline gave her to me on my wedding day, and she became my most trusted maid. I donโt know what happened to her after I died.
The girl made an orange vanish and then reappear in my pocket. I laughed.
Madeline smiled. “See? Isn’t Iris clever?”
I nodded. “Very clever. I’ll call her Little Iris.”
Madeline rolled her eyes. “Must everyone be ‘little’ with you?”
Back at the banquet, I kept up my semi-detached act. Madeline, tired of my deadpan, told me to scramโand I sprang to life and left pronto.
Socializing is exhausting.
On the carriage, watching Irisโs sleight of hand, I couldnโt help feeling that fate worked in mysterious waysโ
The maid Iโd been given on my wedding day in my last life had somehow come to me again.
I sipped hot tea and nibbled at a pastry, restless. How do I pry myself free from memories of my past life?
These three days have felt like a dream.
After dozing for half an hour, we finally reached the Chancellor's House. I stretched, and Lily's voice came from outside the carriage: "Oh? You're that girl who sold herself to bury her father yesterday!"
"Smack."
The pastry dropped from my hand. Suddenly, I’d lost my appetite.
I slapped my forehead. Oh my God… I forgot about her.
I lifted the curtain and saw Hazel Brooks in a white dress, expression steady, neither servile nor overbearing. She looked at me and said, “Miss.”
Me: …ah. This isn't just a dreamโit's a nightmare!
Hazel is very diligent, with smooth poise and delicate features. Even in plain clothes, her beauty demanded attentionโtender, moving.
A tiny red teardrop mole under one eye gave her innocence a hint of allure. If she changed into finer clothes she could pass for a lady better than me.
In my last life I didn't spend much time with her except in plots and betrayals. The thing I envied most was that faceโI wanted to ruin it at every turn. But now, watching her bustle around me, it's oddly pleasant.
For the past three months I've been holed up inside the Chancellor's House, turning down all invitations. I promoted Hazel from a third-rank maid to a first-rank one and kept her by my side every day.
Honestly, there's nothing special about itโI just wanted to see where I lost out.
There really was a difference. Beautiful as she was, and despite my promoting her straight from a third-rank maid to a first-rank one, she never grew spoiled or arrogant.
She completes chores conscientiously, keeps good relations with everyone, and doesn't make me worry. When I noticed she liked reading, I handed her a few rare volumes I'd read. She was so moved she nearly cried. So innocent.
Why in my past life did I think she was scheming and demonic?
I also expected Iris to be like I rememberedโloyal, obedient, always offering me plans and thinking about my interests. But this time, she acted…oddly.
Like when she went to steal bird eggs, the mother bird defended her chicks and pecked Iris's hand. Iris actually dropped the nest from the tree and tried to stomp the mother bird to death.
I stopped her, but the mother bird was injured and couldn't fly for a while.
Afterward Iris apologized through tears, saying she was angry and had planned to use the eggs for tricks to please me.
I forgave her, but it felt strange. Thinking back to my previous life, a vague suspicion hovered in my mind.
"Dadโdoes the Secretary of Revenues have any lost daughters or something?"
The court had been tense lately. Prince Marcus, the fifth prince, was arguing with Prince Julian, the second. Prince Lionel, the fourth, backed Julian and joined in. The eldest prince tried to smooth things over, mainly to keep himself out of it. Alexander, the third, said nothing until Marcus and Julian dragged him in. Their verbal sparring left Marcus on the verge of swearing and Julian speechless.
The Emperor looked grave and didn't speak. The ministers trembled, but Lord Chancellor knew: the Emperor was just watching the show!
So messed up.
Does he not care about his own sons? Just sit back and watch, claiming it's to feel what the late emperor felt when the throne was contested.
Ridiculous. The Hayes family runs the country well, but his way of thinking is so strange!
Finally, the uproar faded and the Emperor dismissed court, still savoring it.
Lord Chancellor hurried home to have dinner with Claire Bennettโso touched he was in tears. Three days without dinner with his darling daughter had been torture!
And the first thing she asked about was the revenue minister’s family. Hadn’t she always been at odds with his eldest daughter?
He thought for a moment. “The youngest daughter of the senior branch disappeared ten years ago. They still haven’t found her. Why?”
I took a sip of soup. "Just wondering, does she have any birthmarks or anything?"
Lord Chancellor nodded. "Hmm, she had a small red mole under the eye, but it's been so longโwho would remember?"
He drank, and then Claire Bennett said softly, "I think I've found her."
"Cough! Cough!"
Lord Chancellor choked on his soup at his daughter's words, when she waved and a woman in a white gown stepped forward.
Her face was pure and delicate, with a tiny red teardrop mole beneath one eye.
Lord Chancellor felt this was wildly absurd.
After three months out of the public eye, I was the talk of the capital again. I’d found the revenue minister’s long-lost youngest daughter. Her birth name had been Celia Price.
Her mother, mindful of her feelings, let her keep the name Hazel. With her family name restored, she became Hazel Price.
Samuel Whitaker suddenly decided he’d been robbed. He insisted he’d found her first and I’d stolen her from him. After that, he came to our house every day to pick a fight.
I favor bright skirts and it was winter, so I wore red and pinned The Jewel Box's Butterfly Hairpin in my hair.
Watching him lounging in the hall doing nothing but sip tea made me marvel at how easy inheriting a title makes life. He could spend an entire day at my house under the pretense of consulting my father and pick a fight with me all afternoon.
Sure enough, the man leaped up the moment he saw me.
"You see! It's your fault! If I'd brought her to my house, I'd have the Secretary of Revenues' legitimate daughter as my wife!"
I gave him a lazy glance from my chair. “Please. What respectable family in the capital would marry a daughter to you? Drinking, gambling, visiting brothels, and not a scrap of learning. Dream on.”
“I don’t visit brothels!” he protested indignantly.
My head hurt. “I don’t care! Go ask the revenue minister for his daughter’s hand, then. Stop pestering me every day!”
I stood to leave, but my legs were numb from the awkward position and nearly buckled. I almost hit my knees when an arm caught me.
He steadied my arm and frowned down at me. His eyes held their usual soft, flirtatious look, but his lips were pressed together, a small dimple showing in one cheek. This close, I could smell grass and the orange scent I liked. His hand felt warm against my arm.
I have to admit Samuel Whitaker's looks are deceivingโreally handsome now, nothing like the boy who used to tail me and yank my braids.
I kept my head down and didn't notice how intimate our posture looked, as if we were embracing. I also didn't notice his ears flushing.
"Heyโdo you really not like Alexander Hayes anymore?"
The voice came from above. I froze, pushed him away, and said, "Hmph. Once I say something, there's no taking it backโ"
He laughed, eyes slitted, and ruffled my hair. "Good child. I'm offโ"
Me: "???"
Who allowed you to touch my head? Filthyโ!
I watched his cheerful retreat and decided this man only grows stranger with age.
Ughโmen around me are weird.
I had reached the positively ancient age of fifteen without another engagement. My past exploits had made quite an impression: noble families either feared offending Alexander or thought I was too wild.
So the suitors who called were mostly mid-level civil officials. Marrying me would curry favor with my father and speed their careersโnothing more. Truly talented, aloof young men wouldn't propose.
Dad was furious at their lack of judgment. One or two higher-ranking families did approach us, but on behalf of sons born to concubines. He refused. Those households were complicated, and such sons depended on the main line of the family. He’d rather support me forever than send me into that life.
I clung to his arm and acted spoiled, insisting I didn't want to marry. He calmed for a bit, then went to the family shrine to speak with my mother's spirit.
Whenever he felt he hadn't done right by me, he'd visit my mother's tablet and talk. Before I married Prince Alexander in my last life, he'd stayed there several days and nights and came back with gray at his temples.
Seeing him do it again made my eyes sting. Even reborn, I'm still such an unfilial daughter who makes him worry.
As the weather warmed, I began going out with Lily, Nora, June, and Maya in turn. Sometimes I brought Iris too.
We find a pretty spot, spread a little silk rug, nibble pastries, sip hot tea, and the day slips by.
Of course I have an ulterior motiveโif I meet someone appealing, I'll probe his character. If he's decent, maybe I can marry and give my father something to do.
Perfectโ"Claire!"
A sweet voice called my name. I turned and saw Hazel Brooks. No, Hazel Price now. In a flowing sky-blue gown, with a fine blue-jade hairpin holding up her hair, she looked lovelier than ever. But beside her were Alexander, Prince Marcus, Evelyn Price, and several noble girls I didn’t know.
Ugh, rotten luck.
"Claire, long time no see. I came looking for you when you were illโare you better?"
I looked at the lively girl before me and then at Alexander's gentle gaze toward her. I smiled, "Yes, I'm out getting some airโ"
Predictably, they're together. SighโHazel is cute, but I truly don't want to see Alexander or Evelyn right nowโ
"I heard the young lady's been looking at suitorsโgood news must be near, isn't there any updateโ"
Evelyn said, her eyes laced with thin mockery.
Alexander's brow tightened for a fraction of a second, gone in an instant.
Prince Marcus snapped open his fan. “Claire is charming, and the Chancellor is a pillar of the state. No ordinary man could be worthy of her. Naturally, she must choose very carefully.”
Marcus and Evelyn really were made for each other. Both were insufferable.
Hazel frowned and rose. “Sister, a young lady shouldn’t discuss another woman’s marriage in public. Such arrangements are for parents and matchmakers. And Your Highness, surely a prince should know better than to make a joke of it.”
Marcus’s expression turned cold. He stepped toward Hazel. “Are you lecturing me?”
Alexander, always wearing a smile, moved up and stopped between them, saying to Marcus, "Brother, must you get angry? Why?"
Watching this scene made my eyes ache.
I noticed Alexander's brief discomfort. I knew he didn't dislike meโmaybe he felt somethingโbut he'd never stand up for me like that, never place himself between me and someone else.
From an observer's viewpoint everything fell into place, and I finally let go.
Past and presentโlove and hateโlet them fade.
I brushed off imaginary dust from my skirt, rose, and nibbled the pastry in my hand as I watched the drama unfold.
Prince Marcus noticed me watching and sneered, “Enjoying the show, Miss Bennett?
You’re the only noble girl in the capital no one will marry! Hmph.”
“Who says no one will marry her?”
Me: "Hmm?"
I turned and saw Samuel Whitaker walking over. His hair was loosely tied with a teal brocade ribbon; he wore a teal robe embroidered with silver thread. His gaze was bright.
He carried a birdcage. His peach-blossom eyes were dreamy and affectionate; a small dimple curved at the corner of his mouthโsuave, charming, dazzling.
Marcus looked at him in surprise and scoffed, “What are you even babbling about?
If Lord Chancellor wanted Miss Bennett promised to someone, he wouldn't promise her to youโthe Capital's biggest rake."
Samuel handed me the birdcage, ruffled my hair, and stood in front of me. “What?
If he doesn’t marry her to me, should he marry her to you?
You can’t even outdo me at drinking, gambling, and chasing women. Please.”
Marcus was stunned. Who compares like that?
A proud princeโwas he really going to compete with Samuel over who was better at vices?
He might as well give up on the throne now. By tomorrow, the imperial censors would be filing complaints against him.
Damn!
His face flushed red with anger; he couldn't come up with a retort without losing face, so he swept his sleeve and left.
Evelyn Price trailed him out, giving me a glare. Samuel glanced at her expressionlessly, and she immediately wilted.
The other society ladies dispersed as well.
Alexander looked at me, and Samuel stepped just enough to block his view.
Alexander smiled. Hazel gave me a mischievous wink and promised to visit again, then hurried off. Alexander followed her.
In an instant it was just Samuel and me.
"Little Marquis? Come on, explain. What are you planning to do?"
Samuelโwho'd seemed so confidentโdeflated the second I spoke. He scratched his head and said, "Uhโฆ letโs not let Lord Chancellor hear this, okay? Haโฆ hahaโฆ"
I smiled at his awkward laugh. “I doubt it’ll take even a couple of hours to reach him.”
I could see the color drain from his face. He asked weakly, "W-what ifโwhat if I marry you? Is that okay?"
Looking at his cowardly expression pulled something in my chestโmemories of him as a kid, getting in trouble and terrified of my father's punishment, begging me to protect him. Those two faces merged and softened me.
I patted his head. "Fine. But only if my father agrees."
Better to marry someone I knew than a stranger, and with my father around, he couldn't act up.
He scratched his head, smiling, and escorted me back to the Chancellor's House before hurrying home to prepare the betrothal gifts.
I nodded and went back.
I didn't notice the worry on his face switch to sudden joy; his eyes lit up.
After that disastrous outing, I spent the rest of the morning at home. Dad came straight to my room after court and demanded to know what had happened.
I gave him the heavily abbreviated version: Samuel wanted to propose. Dad’s eyebrows nearly shot off his face.
"That little brat daredโI'll beat him to death!"
Then a servant announced the Little Marquis had come formally to propose.
He'd paraded the betrothal gifts around the Capital with drums and banners before arriving.
The Marquis and Samuel were already there.
Word had it the Marquis looked stern but had red-rimmed eyesโperhaps he never thought he'd live to see his son married.
My father and I were both stunned. How could this happen so fast? Even if the Marquis agreed, the matchmaker would usually need three to five days to prepare.
Lord Chancellor bristled and told me to sit tight, then stormed to the front hall ready for a showdown.
There was no way I wouldn't go, so I secretly followed.
When I arrived they'd been talking a while.
Samuel was kneeling, speaking earnestly to my father: "Since I was young, my heart has belonged to Claire. If Lord Chancellor consents, I swear I will take only Claire as my wife, cherish her all my life, protect her. If I betray this, may lightning strike me and may I die wretchedly!"
It was the first time I'd seen him so solemn; my heart thudded.
He played his part wellโI almost believed him.
Seeing Dad hesitate, the Whitakers’ steward began reciting the betrothal gifts. Their family had accumulated wealth for a century. They kept out of court politics now, but it sounded as though they’d emptied the house: fine clothes, delicacies, medicinal herbs, jewelry, even shops. Ninety-eight carrying loads in all. The Empress’s wedding gifts had numbered only ninety-nine. Samuel must have been preparing for ages. Wait. Was this a setup?
After that, I don't remember much. I wandered back to my room in a daze.
In my last life, Samuel and I had hardly spoken by this point. Later he’d supported Alexander. We hadn’t even been on nodding terms; whenever he saw me, he’d glare. Why was everything so different now?
Another two hours passed, and my father entered cautiously, sipping tea as he chose his words.
I smiled. "You agreed?"
He looked at my smiling face and, fumbling, said, "Daughterโif you don't like him we can back out, but you know the princes are vying for the throne. The Little Marquis is a rake, but his character's not bad and he hasn't taken sides. Marrying into his house is safer; it won't drag you into the succession."
"And don't think because he looks like a wastrel he runs wild. He knows his limits. He hasn't been promiscuous. If he ever bullies you, I'll go beat him up myself."
Listening to my worried, rambling fatherโfrowning, then glancing at me, then getting angryโI hugged him.
He froze, felt my wet cheek, and his heart melted. "Hey, hey, don't cry. If you won't marry, you won't marry. I'll raise you forever, okay?"
I couldn't help laughing through the tears. I looked up at his furrowed, tender face and let him wipe my tears. "I will marry. It's justโฆ I'm not so clever, and I always get into trouble, but I have the best father in the world. I'm so lucky."
Dad’s eyes reddened. He patted my head. “Nonsense. My Tuan Tuan is the cleverest girl there is.” Then, before I could see him cry, he stood up and claimed he had something to do. He went straight to the ancestral hall to tell Mother.
I watched his retreating back and smiled. I didn't understand rebirth, but this feltโฆgood. Behind a screen someone stood quietly, a small smile with a dimple playing at his cheek.
And just like that, I was the talk of the capital again.
After refusing Prince Alexander, I was to marry the Capital’s greatest playboy, the Little Marquis.
I deftly declined all other invitations.
Once the households exchanged tokens, everything moved smoothly: the compatibility divinations were set and the wedding date was fixed for the fifteenth of next month.
Thirty days? Thirty days?!
Dad badgered the Emperor for another favor, insisting I needed protection from anyone who might mistreat me. The Emperor raised my rank from Lady Annin to Princess Annin.
When my childhood friend Madeline Clarke brought her gifts, she asked whether I’d thought it through. I nodded. She studied me with an unreadable expression and forced a small smile.
On leaving, she ran into Hazel. The look between them was an absolute disaster.
That familiar scene stopped me short. Madeline liked Alexander? But she was already betrothed to my older brother. Memories came rushing back. She’d told me Alexander’s preferences and where he would be. After marrying my brother, she’d visited when I was lonely, listened to me, and offered advice. And Iris had carried out her plans.
No wonder those supposed preferences had always seemed off. Why had the laxative I’d meant to give Hazel turned into arsenic? Why had every petty quarrel become a matter of life and death?
I’d blamed Hazel for making everything worse so Alexander would despise me. Now I could see who had really been behind it.
Everything suddenly clicked. I laughedโhow could I have been so blind?
"Claire?"
Hazel's soft voice. I looked at her worried face.
She hesitated, bit her lip, then, deciding, said, "Claire, I know you and Madeline were childhood friends, butโmaybe don't care too much about what she says. Just follow your heart, okay?"
Seeing Hazel's gentle, careful attempt to spare my feelings, I felt like I owed her an apology. "I'm sorry."
Hazel blinked big eyes, smiled, a tear mole bright beneath one eye. She looked genuinely happy. "Noโit's I who should thank you. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to acknowledge my own family so smoothly. Let's get along, okay?"
She'd said something similar in my past life; then I had bumped into her and left. This time I nodded sincerely and admired herโshe was so pretty.
When I returned Iris to Madeline, her beautiful face stiffened. “What is this supposed to mean? What did Hazel tell you? You believe her over me?”
I asked only one question: "How long have you loved Prince Alexander?"
She faltered. I stared into her eyes and said seriously, "If you say you haven't, I'll believe you."
She was speechless, then slumped into a chair.
Then I handed back the crimson jade pendant I’d always worn. She’d given it to me when she was ten. We each had one, carved from the same piece of jade. She stared at it without a word.
I walked the street with Maya and Lily following silently. The lane was lined with trees and blooms; the sun was perfect. My mood lightened when I heard a familiar voice.
"Hm?"
I turned toward the sound. A familiar figure had his back to me, shouting, “High! High!”
I glanced at the shop sign: Ruyi Gaming House.
His pageboy spotted me and frantically jabbed his arm. Samuel complained, “What? I’m having fun!”
He glanced back casually. I smiled at him.
Samuel paused, hesitated, then grabbed my arm and started pulling me toward the gambling den.
"Why are youโ??"
He glanced back with a grin. “Safety in numbers. If you play too, I won’t be the only one in trouble.”
Though gaming houses didn't ban women, in my previous life I kept my gentle, demure image and never came here.
"Hmm."
It sounded like fun.
At first, I was a little shy. I didn’t know what the bets on high, low, or triples meant, so I guessed wildly.
I won a few rounds, and my cheeks flushed with excitement.
This was actually fun!
Two hours later, all my restraint was gone. I was practically ready to climb onto the table. Samuel watched my flushed face and the way I could barely keep still with excitement, and laughed.
Luckily it was noisy here to begin with, so Claire barely noticedโher eyes were all on the betting cups.
Samuel Whitaker didnโt bother with the cups either; he could tell the numbers just by hearing.
His attention was on the slender hand unconsciously clutching his sleeve.
The handโs owner smiled with eyes that sparkled like little stars.
Thank goodness, he thought. She was easy to cheer up. She didn’t look sad anymore. As for me, I’d finally discovered an advantage to being around Samuel.
He was amazing!
He didnโt even look at the cups and still guessed the numbers!
I cradled the five hundred taels of silver I’d won and felt wonderfully lighthearted.
The man beside me flicked his little braid and grinned. “Look at you. Isn’t that heavy?”
โNot heavy! I earned it fair and square! Not heavy at all!โ I chirped.
Samuelโs smile narrowed his eyes, making his dimples even deeper. He ruffled my hair and I babbled about my day-long adventure at the gambling hall.
He bought me a candied hawthorn on a stick. I didnโt have a free hand, so he fed me, then stole a bite for himself now and then.
Before I knew it we were back at Bennett Manor. All that chaos had blown the gloom out of my chest.
I hesitated at the gate, wanting to thank him but feeling shy.
How do you say it?
โThanks for taking me to the gambling hall today after I found out Iโm an idiot and lost a friend and had a terrible moodโthanks for coming along?โ
I’d never hear the end of it. It would go straight to his head.
Seeing me hesitate, he gently tapped my forehead. “Go on inside. Isn’t all that silver getting heavy?”
I hovered a moment longer, then quickly said, โThank you for today,โ and sprinted back into the house, heart pounding so hard I didnโt notice him watching my retreat with a faint, startled look.
What goes around comes around.
That night after my bath I saw the dark bruises on my arm. How embarrassingโIโd clutched the silver all the way home. Theyโd ache tomorrow.
I stepped out of the bath with a sigh. June dried my hair. After a little milk, I changed into my nightclothes and went to bed.
I mustโve played myself outโpillow, lights out.
When Samuel came in, he found me sprawled on the bed, snoring softly.
He carefully applied ointment to the bruises on my arm.
โMmm.โ I mumbled and turned over. He chuckled and tucked the quilt around me.
Of course, the gambling hall trip leaked out to my father. He was furious and, to my surprise, rewarded me with the newest bracelet from The Jewel Box.
Father said Samuel had dragged me to that unsavory place and might have frightened my young mind, so he gave me a consolation gift.
I nodded like crazy and praised his wisdom, then tattled on Samuel and denounced his terrible idea of taking me to the gambling hall.
When Samuel next visited, Dad chased him all around the house with a rattan cane. I laughed until I cried.
The days passed. Dad hired a retired palace attendant to teach me courtly etiquette.
I quietly embroidered my bridal veil. My older brother returned, dusty from his journey. He’d left home young and spent years on military campaigns, which had given him an icy manner. Though he doted on me, I’d never felt close to him.
In my last life, he’d been hurrying home while Dad was on the execution platform. I’d died before he arrived. We hadn’t even had a chance to say goodbye.
He looked me over head to toe like he wanted to ruffle my hair but feared startling me. I hugged him, โBrother, welcome home.โ
He went stiff, then patted my head and said, clearly moved, that I’d grown up. A moment later, he stormed off to fight Samuel.
He was furious that his little sister, whoโd finally been willing to get close, had been led away. It was a crime.
I watched him go and smiled; living again felt wonderful. I could make up for every regret.
I took enormous satisfaction in imagining Samuel being chased all over the city by my brother. Little did I know that their duel had ended with the point of Samuel’s red-tasseled spear at my brother’s throat.
After my brother returned, he spoke to Dad in the study. I assumed it was court business. A few days later, we heard that his engagement to Madeline was over. Soon after, she left to practice at a temple without taking monastic vows. I jumped up, wanting to find her, then stopped. What would I even say?
June and Lily watched anxiously as I sank back into my seat. They knew Madeline and I had fallen out, but not why. I didn’t plan to tell anyone.
Honestly, I wasnโt happy to hear sheโd gone to the temple. Who comes back after that? Why would she do thisโwas it because of the broken engagement?
I didnโt hate herโnot from some saintly mercy, but because I knew that even without her, I would have turned into what I had before. Jealousy had already corroded me; I would have ruined Hazel Price without mercy.
Still, she was only seventeen. I wanted a good ending for both of us.
On the day Lady Madeline left, I stayed in bed. Iโd been there ten days, only getting up to use the chamberpot; I even ate in bed. Nothing lifted my spirits.
Father and brother guessed why and came to visit, bringing treats.
Twenty days until the wedding.
That morning, June and Nora insisted on helping me bathe and dress. I had no idea why. I crawled back onto the bed, listless.
“You remind me of the pigs on the estate. Eat, sleep, then eat again, all without leaving their pen.” Samuel leaned in the doorway, flicking his braid. His little dimple practically begged me to poke it.
โWhat are you doing here? Youโre not supposed to see the bride before the wedding.โ I shot him a look and lay back down.
โThatโs only three days before the wedding. This is still early,โ he said.
I pursed my lips.
Then he swept me up around the waist. Startled, I grabbed his neck. June and Nora promptly slipped away.
Traitors. Both of them.
His relentless teasing finally began to draw me out of my gloom.
After that day, I decided to eat properly and exercise again. I would get strong enough to pay Samuel back for all his teasing.
He watched me run laps around the courtyard, needling me about my speed and my short legs until I caught him and gave him a few smacks. Somehow, he looked delighted every time. I poked that infuriating dimple and wondered whether I’d knocked something loose in his head.
With his antics time flew. Before I knew it, wedding day arrived.
They woke me before dawn to dress me for the wedding. The traditional facial threading hurt so much that I yelped and squirmed.
The imperial red Shu brocade was embroidered with giant paired lotuses in gold thread, colored with many silks, then draped with a veil of pale rose dragon-silk. The dragon-silk was thin and threaded with silver flowersโethereal and dazzling in sunlight.
I stared into the mirror. I’d never seen myself look so beautiful, with bright eyes and rosy cheeks. I hardly recognized the girl looking back at me.
โOhโour bride is so prettyโโ the maid doing my makeup cooed.
I took her hand, โNo, sister, itโs your makeup skills!โ
Now I believed that this woman, who looked barely sixteen, really was forty. Her skill was extraordinary.
With the veil down, my brother carried me to the bridal sedan chair, whispering as he carried me, โIf he bullies you tell me. If it comes to it, you can come homeโyour brother will take care of you,โ and the like.
My eyes stung. In my last life, I’d kept my distance, thinking him too cold. He’d carried me silently then. Now he fussed over me just like Dad.
I hugged his neck, โYou should marry soon too, brotherโstop bossing me.โ
He smiled. I almost lifted the veilโheโd never laughed out loud like this before!
I climbed into the bridal sedan amid blaring horns and pounding drums. Samuel rode alongside on horseback, tossing lucky wedding coins to the delighted crowd.
I sat inside listening to the laughter outside, and smiled without meaning to.
After the vows and the guestsโ cheers, the veil was lifted. Samuel in his ceremonial clothes had finally tied up his usually loose hair. He looked at me with shining eyes.
Had he always been this handsome?
My gaze flicked toward Alexander Hayes. He looked at me with a flash of admirationโbrief, and I felt nothing.
Hazel Price stood beside him, eyes red as if about to cry. Iโฆdidnโt cry.
Suddenly the world went red as the veil was dropped again.
Samuel muttered jealously in my ear, “Looking at another man right in front of me? Really?”
I smiled. So he could act jealous too. He was doing a convincing job.
Back in the bridal chamber, I lifted the veil, starving after a day without food. I was about to sneak a petite cake from my sleeve when someone called outside, โHeyโyoung lord, why leaving so soon? Keep drinking!โ
Samuel snarled back, โDrink yourself. Marrying a wife isnโt easy, go away.โ
I froze.
He rushed in, sat down, and lifted the veil.
I forced down the cake bite.
Samuel watched with a helpless smile, โCome on, drink the nuptial wine together. Donโt choke.โ
We drank the ceremonial wine. While I was occupied, Lily, Nora, June, and Maya slipped out. When I looked up, Samuel and I were alone, staring at each other.
"Huh?
Why did they leave? I haven't eaten yet."
For a moment, I remembered my first wedding.
In my last life, my attempts to frame Hazel Price had been exposed. I hadn’t even seen Alexander on our wedding day. Afterward, I saw him so rarely that sharing a meal felt like a special favor.
“Tuan Tuan,” Samuel said softly.
I blushed. Only Dad and my older brother ever used that childhood nickname. Hearing it from Samuel felt strange.
“Don’t call me that,” I muttered.
“Tuan Tuanโ”
A month after the wedding, I decided to spend a few days at the temple.
I told myself I would pray for peace and the happiness of the people, and perhaps see an old friend.
Despite Samuel’s mournful expression, I happily packed my bags and set off for Lotus Life Temple with Lily, Nora, June, and Maya.
Lotus Life was the kingdom’s most revered temple. Legend said its first abbot had neither father nor mother: he had emerged from the lotus pond behind the mountain, pure despite the mud, gentle yet upright.
A century later, his spirit didn't pass on but lingered in the temple to help those fated to see him. If you were lucky, he'd grant you a wish.
People even said Emperor Wen, the founder of our dynasty, had met that first abbot when Lotus Life was only a shabby little shrine. He’d wished to save the people, and gone on to become emperor.
I’d always thought it sounded like a ghost story. Imagine resting alone in a ruined mountain shrine on a dark, windy night, only for some spirit to appear and offer you a wish. I’d be frightened to death on the spot, ready to join the ghosts myself.
After four hours of jolting along the road, we arrived. My legs trembled at the sight of the tall stone staircase. By the time I reached the top, I felt half-dead. One fall down those steps would finish me.
At the gate a little monk with rosy lips and white teeth came to greet me. He looked about ten but radiated a calmness beyond his years.
He led me to the guestroom and bowed. I returned his bow and patted his head.
Young monk: "โฆ"
Me: "โฆ"
An awkward silence. My sudden maternal impulse had gotten the better of me, so I pulled out a small pouch of preserved fruit I'd bought but not eaten.
"Do you want this?" I asked.
The little monk stared at the sweets. His serene expression slipped, and he almost began to drool. “Thank you, benefactor. But I really shouldn’t…”
He stared at the treat and mumbled. I shrugged and tucked it into his arms. "Take itโ"
“Then… I’ll accept. Thank you!”
He snatched it and ran off cheerfully. Watching his retreating figure, a smile tugged at my lips.
That little monk was Ting Zhu. In my previous life when I was kept at the temple, he was the one who brought my meals.
The monks never treated me badly; it was my daily self-pity and bad temper that drove away those who brought me food. Seeing them leave made me feel smugโlike I was getting revenge on Alexander Hayes. It was pathetic but satisfying.
Then they gave me a kid as company and my interest waned. I couldn't stand being confined, so I sulked in a corner and cried like a lunatic.
Seeing me always crying and refusing food, Ting Zhu gave me a preserved fruit and told me about his father dyingโhow his mother would give him a piece when he cried and it made him miss his father less.
I sneered, thinking a kid like him couldn't possibly understand my suffering. SorryโI was short-sighted. I truly believed I was the most miserable person alive and didn't know that single pouch of preserved fruit took him three months to buy.
I tossed the fruit away and shoved him out the door. But then, enraged, I turned to scold him and saw him pick up the fruit from the ground, dust it off, and put it in his mouth.
To be honest, even if I considered myself the world's most unfortunate, I still had food and comforts. Seeing him eat something he'd literally picked up shook my pampered worldview.
The next day, I gave him a large bag of preserved fruit. His eyes shone with happiness. He looked up at me, close to tears, then ran off in delight. Still carrying the meal he’d brought for me. Damn it.
After that, I made him my reluctant guide, ordering him to take me around the temple. He trembled as he showed me around, and I began to learn that not everyone wore silk.
I learned those plain-looking robes weren't that shabby; for many ordinary people, they were decent clothing.
I learned that the temple served brown rice mixed with things I couldn’t name, rough enough to scrape my throat.
I learned Hazel Price had been right when she said I was wasteful and ignorant of the people’s hardships.
I learned that some people couldn’t afford medicine costing even one tael of silver and had to ask the temple for help.
That year I saw things I hadn't in my previous twenty years. Too bad it didn't lastโwhen I left I was taken straight to the execution platform and died trying to snatch a blade empty-handed.
Perhaps, given more time, I could have quietly divorced Alexander and freed Dad, who’d taken the blame for me. But Dad’s fate wasn’t only about my crime. Alexander thought eliminating him would convince the Emperor he had no designs on the throne. It was complicated. By then Alexander could barely hide his disgust when he looked at me. Some unknown reason was all that had kept him from having me killed outright.
Temple life was plain, boring, and steady. I couldn’t help but glance at Madeline.
Okay fine, little Ting Zhu, you were an extraโmy real reason was to see Madeline.
My feelings were complicated. Over ten years of closeness, she had become more than a friendโlike family. I had no sisters, so we whispered secrets.
She had indulged and pampered me like an older sister. I didn't believe any of it was fake.
I climbed up on a wall and watched her in plain clothes kneel and chant before the shrine. I retracted my head quietly. It was hard to reconcile the glamorous woman she used to be with this calm, desireless figure.
What was wrong with me? I hoped we’d never meet again, yet I still missed the girl she’d been.
I'm not stupid, just not brilliant. Samuel met my brother, and then my brother immediately broke off the engagementโthere had to be more to it. I couldn't believe there wasn't.
Samuel must have been watching me for a long time, keeping tabs on those around me. He always pretended to be a lazy good-for-nothing, but I knew when he sneaked out at nightโI just didn't ask.
The old Marquis’s achievements already threatened to overshadow the Emperor. Add a brilliant, capable heir, and the throne would grow nervous. The Hayes family were all alike. The Emperor had been so close to Dad, yet the first suspicion had been enough for him to approve an execution. Then he’d put on a show of unbearable grief.
I lay in the soft chair, staring at the candle. In my last life, Samuel had backed Alexander and become entangled in court politics. Had he done it for me? If so, perhaps he was the unknown reason Alexander had spared my life until then.
Thinking of his careless, fearless act as a spoiled heir, I felt both happy and heartsick for him.
I must have broken his heart last time.
Realizing that, it hit me: I love him this much already.
"Hey, heyโonly three days apart and you already miss me enough to cry?"
That familiar voice froze me for a second. Seeing the man hurriedly wiping my tears right in front of me, I couldn't help wrapping my arms around him and blurting, "I love you so muchโ"
Why is it that whenever I need you, you're always by my side?
Samuel Whitaker stiffened at my confession; his mind went blank for a beat. He'd always assumed Claire Bennett married him out of convenience.
So she felt the same as him?
His arms tightened around her. Too quietly for her to hear, he whispered, “Me too. In this life and the last.”
